


In the Kingdom of the Blind

by orphan_account



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: A lot of feels, And angst, Angst, At the moment, Civil War, Drunk Tony, Eventual Happy Ending, Feels, Fix-It, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Steve, Hurt Tony, Jealous Steve, M/M, Possessive Steve, Protective Steve, Suicidal Thoughts, Superhuman Registration Act, Tony Has Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony and Steve Feels, Trust Issues, What if civil war sucked more, but they can't be together, right in the feels, they are in love, this is sad ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 03:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2254008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the irreversible happened, people turned against the superheroes and they started blaming them for the fucked up world they live in. Tony didn't blame them. When Superhuman Registration act passed as law, Tony was asked to lead the registration and he accepted it. He really wanted Steve,his best friend, to lead with him. Steve, on the other hand, decides to rebel against the government and lead an underground movement to defend the rights of his masked friends. A Civil War begins. Tony is hurt. Steve is hurt. And they are in love.</p><p>Set in the events of Civil War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whose Side Are You On?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in the events of Marvel's Civil War. Some things happened in the comics, some didn't. Thank you, enjoy! x

“ _New Warriors, a group of young superheroes, attempted to stop a villain named Nitro, killing over 600 civilians, 60 of whom were children in the process.”_

_“I knew this day would come—those who call themselves the superheroes are the real problem-“_

_“Protests are continuing outside of the Avengers Mansion-“_

Tony sighed, taking a sip from the beer and closing the TV. From the moment he formed The Avengers, from the moment the superheroes started to surface, he expected this day to come. The day when the very humans they saved every day to turn against them and started blaming them for the fucked up world they lived in. The thing bothered Tony Stark was that, they were right. Okay, the world had bad enough in it when there weren’t superheroes, and now it was just worse. Villains becoming superheroes, superheroes becoming villains. Switching sides. He didn’t even know who was right anymore. He was tired of it all. He knew what he had to do; he knew it for a long time now. So he wasn’t surprised when his phone started ringing and when he saw “ _Agent Hill_ ” on the screen of it. He picked it up.

“Hi, Maria.”

“We need to talk.” Tony, once again, sighed.

***

“Things are gonna go down, Steve, you know it. They were expecting this.” Luke Cage said. Steve nodded. He always thought American people would stand by his side and his fellow superheroes. He never imagined they would-they would _hate_ him. He had to be calm. He was the leader; he had to keep it together. They would handle this-he would talk to Tony and they would handle this. Yes, he just needed to speak with Tony; they would come up with a plan. This thought calmed him.

“Cap..?” Luke said with disbelief and showed the TV.

“ _Yes, I will be the one leading the Superhuman Registration Act along with Agent Maria Hill and S.H.I.E.L.D. The events in Stamford were the most unfortunate and require some arrangements about the place of superhumans in the society.”_ Tony Stark, his friend,was saying.

“ _I hereby announce that Superhuman Registration Act has passed as law._ _The act requires any person in the United States with superhuman abilities to register with the federal government as a "human weapon of mass destruction," reveal their true identity to the authorities, and undergo proper training. Those who sign also have the option of working for_[ _S.H.I.E.L.D_ _._](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S.H.I.E.L.D.) _, earning a salary and benefits such as those earned by other American civil servants.”_

Steve just stared to the screen, not believing what he just heard. It was Tony. Tony. His best friend.  The man who fought beside for years. The man he- He just couldn’t believe it. It was his _Tony,_ on TV, saying things, things Steve would never agree with. This act he talked about- it was the violation of civil liberties and the protection that secret identities provide. Families would get hurt once the villains they fought learn who they really are. Steve himself was known by every person on the planet as Captain America but most of his friends wore masks and they had families to protect. He would never agree with this. He had no idea what Tony,Iron Man, was thinking but this was not the Tony he knew and not the Tony---he had fallen in love with.

He never expected, of course, Tony to return his feelings nor did he express them to him. He just looked at him and fought beside him, protected him whenever he can and been his best friend when he needed him. Steve knew Tony, every move and every word, every thought he had and his fucked up world. But he never knew, that Tony could agree to something like that. He bowed his head and reminded himself that now he didn’t get to think about those things, about Tony, he had work to do. He had other people to think about. Friends. Families. But somehow, Tony was all he could think about at the moment.

“ _….and the people who resist registering will be arrested and taken into custody. S.H.I.E.L.D agents and I will be working on that. All superheroes must register till Saturday  00:00.------------------I-- Thank you.”_ were Tony’s last words before walking off the stage, looking determined but somehow disturbed. Luke and Steve looked at each other, nodding, making a silent promise. They would protect their friends no matter what from this so-called registration.

***

“An underground movement?!” Tony almost shouted.

“Yes, Tony, and you will bring them to custody.” Agent Hill said in a smooth voice. Tony stared at him disbelief.

“Yes, but I--my friends…” He muttered under his breath.

“Don’t get emotional on me now, Stark.” Hill said impatiently. “This is more important than your friends-more important than you. Innocent people have died because of unregistered superheroes acting on their own will. I want these people in custody and registered as soon as possible. Most of them registered yesterday but others got brave and hiding underground leaded by nation’s oldest superhero Cap-“

“What?” Tony interrupted her. “What did you say?”

“Jesus, Tony, are you even listening to me?” She rolled her eyes.

“You said nation’s oldest- Is Cap leading the movement?!” He couldn’t believe that. He couldn’t stand that. He was supposed to be on his side. Leading with him.

“What did you expect? He’s Captain America.” She stated. Yes, what did Tony expect? Of course he would oppose this. And how did he expect him to be on his side when he wasn’t even sure he was doing the right thing? He didn’t even tell him what he was going to do, going and threating his friends on live TV. He should have known. His love for him wouldn’t just make him support his decision. He didn’t even love him back. But these things didn’t matter anymore. He had to stick to the decision he made. He fought back tears and stood up.

“Gather your forces. We will be going to the streets tonight. And inform me about the both sides.” Tony said in determination.

“Okay, now, we are more in number. You, Reed Richards, Hank Pym are the public faces of the registration. On other side, Captain America, Luke Cage and Falcon are the leaders for the anti-registration. Wakanda is neutral; Storm and Black Panther said they didn’t want to be involved in either side. It would be really good if we had Wakanda’s forces on our side though. Wonder Man and Ms.Marvel are on our side also. It would be great to have Thor alive in this situation.” Agent Hill stated. Tony knew, they would win. But they would never win when they were forced to kill their loved ones.

“Maria-I—just promise me, none of them will be killed. I cannot agree with that and I will not allow that.” Hill nodded, though Tony knew she didn’t mean it. There would be casualties and no matter how he tried to protect all of them, something irreversible would happen. And Tony would not be able to bear that. Especially if something happened to Steve. He wished in all of his heart that, if they were to die, he would be the first.

 

 

 


	2. When the Irreversible Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve doesn't want Tony to hurt himself.

“Jarvis, are all the weapons ready?” Tony Stark talked in his armor.

“Yes, sir.”

He was shaking; he didn’t want to do this. He wasn’t even sure he could do this. Attacking and arresting his own people? His own friends? It sucked. But he had to do it. He was doing it because he believed in a better future with the Registration act. But the main reason he agreed to do this was to lessen the casualties as possible. People would get hurt during this process but if they didn’t agree to it, the government would hurt millions more. Somebody had to be brave enough to do this and Tony was the most suitable. People looked up to him; he often wished they wouldn’t but some would follow him even they didn’t agree with it. He just wanted to stop people from getting hurt without hurting anyone. Then he saw them, a group of super humans, looking like soldiers ready to fight.

Of course, Tony thought, smiling painfully. Steve was leading them. Tony hadn’t seen Steve for months. He was suited and he had his shield with him. Shoulders high, chin up, walking with pride. He glanced at Tony for a second but didn’t flinch.

“Steve.” Tony nodded formally, showing his face. He tried too hard not to run and hug him. He tried hard to remain cold and hard. And he succeeded.

“Iron Man.” He nodded back, more coldly than ever. Tony couldn’t help but flinch. _Iron Man_.  Two words said it all. Steve didn’t call him Iron Man for years. He always said _Tony_ with a soft voice. Tony hid his face behind the armor, like the rest of his body. And feelings.

He coughed. “I—ask you to” He stopped for a couple of seconds and looked around Cap’s team. “…beg you to……surrender.” He completed in a high voice. This was pointless, of course.

Steve threw his shield to a S.H.I.E.L.D van behind Tony and when it turned back to him, he said “You should have known by now, Iron Man.” He said. “We _never_ surrender.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. attack!”  Tony shouted as he headed in Captain America’s direction, he knew he was the only one who could stop him if he had a slight chance. As he looked around he could see S.H.I.E.L.D forces colliding with Cap’s team.

“Jarvis, the repulsion rays!” he said, immediately sending them to the Cap’s shield. That shield. He could remember making it for him, spending days after days, experimenting different elements and ending up with adamantium and vibranium. It was indestructible, Tony would know. Now it was being used against him. Talk about Karma.

When he was busy reviving memories, Cap threw his shield through his palm area, disarming him of his repulsion rays.

“Okay, pulse beams!” he send one after another. Most of them hit the shield but some of them hit Cap, but it felt like Tony was hurt too, if they continue like this, they would solve nothing. Both of them were trying too hard not to hurt each other.

“Cap, if you would just listen-we have a point here-” He didn’t give Tony a chance to explain himself; instead his shield hit Tony hard at the chest, throwing him to the ground. That hurt.

“That went well.” Tony said in pain. Steve came near him, putting his hand on the armor and nailing Tony to the ground.

“You could at least tell me before doing something this stupid.” He said in a very, very angry voice. And hurt.

“Steve, I-” My sentence was cut by a loud thunder voice, and a large figure landed into the middle of the fight.

Tony got up and stared at the figure. “Thor?” he said in a shocked voice. Because last time Tony checked, he was dead.

“Nay.” He said and he threw Mjolnir to Cap’s group of superhumans. Captain stared at Tony in disbelief. He looked really disappointed.

“I never thought you would go this far to create a clone of Thor to use for your own purposes. That…..that is disgusting and a disgrace to the honor of our friend Thor.” He said in a low voice.

“What? Cap- you don’t think I did this? I had no idea about this! I would never agree to something like this!” Tony shouted, almost tearing up. He was angry now, how could he think that? Steve stayed silent.

“Thor-or whatever you are- stop now!” Tony commanded. He was going to kill Agent Hill for doing this. This clone could be very dangerous. He was so harsh on people.

“I will handle this, Cap!” Bill Foster aka Goliath shouted to Cap as he started fighting with the clone.

“Goliath-NO!” Cap shouted back what it was too late, clone send thunders right into Bill’s heart, his skin showed his skeleton for a moment, and then he fell.

“NO!” Tony shouted as he rushed to the fallen body, hoping with all his heart he wasn’t dead. Cap ran with Tony. Tony kneeled and stared at the body. “Jarvis, search for any remains of alive cells.” he demanded.

“No remains of life found, sir.” Jarvis replied.

“Fuck!”

***

Bill Foster was dead. It’s been a month. First death. First casualty. First loss. But not the last. Never the last. He blamed himself. He did not blame Tony. He blamed him for not standing by his side, yes, but not for Goliath’s death. He made him think that way; he hurt him because that was easier. It was easier to make him hate Steve. At least Steve convinced himself it was that way.

He didn’t see Tony while fighting S.H.I.E.L.D. forces since Goliath’s death and it worried him like hell. He didn’t even appear on TV. He could not bear if anything happened to him. He had to be safe. No matter what he believed was true, Steve only cared he would stay alive.

He had to go check on Tony to see if he was okay. He had to risk it. Trying to go into the Stark Tower without being noticed and going up to Tony’s apartment; especially now that is protected by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, was going to be almost impossible. Almost. Steve had his motives. He went to the gathering room and informed his friends. He didn’t say he would go see Tony, of course. He suited up and took his shield and got going.

When Steve arrived to the tower, he saw many guards so he decided to take the hidden way. He knew this place like his home and knew hidden places S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t, this place was his home for years after all. It was night; it would be easier to hide in case confronted with agents. He hoped he wouldn’t have to fight any of them.

To his surprise, he easily got to the top floor of the tower. He climbed the stairs he knew so well, reviving old memories. God did he miss him. He didn’t see him inside so he went to the balcony, he saw him and he was too close to the edge. And this balcony was the kind you could just take one step and fall to your death. And worse, Tony had a bottle in his hand. He had started drinking again. He was swinging and muttering things like “all….my fault…dead…protect him…” but  Steve couldn’t quite understand it. He went near him.

“Tony.” He whispered. He wanted to keep a smooth voice but that didn’t happen.

Tony turned back so fast that he lost control and almost fall from the building if Steve didn’t catch him from his back.

“Tony, what the fuck? What are you doing? Do you want to die?” He got angry because he hated how Tony didn’t care about himself. He carried him to the couch and put him down there. Tony didn’t let go of his arms, looked deep into Steve’s eyes.

“Yes.” He muttered. “Yes, I want to…..die.” he sighed. He was so drunk but somehow Steve knew he wasn’t exactly lying. Steve didn’t even want to think what would happen if he didn’t come here. Would his armor save him? He didn’t know but he knew that he couldn’t leave Tony alone tonight.

“Steve?” Tony muttered half asleep. “Steve…sorry…I-” he stopped and just started staring blankly to nowhere.

“Tony, do what you must do. Just please, please don’t get yourself hurt in the process.” He said, realizing probably he would not remember this when he wakes up tomorrow.

“Okay.” Tony murmured and fell asleep.

“I love you.” Steve said, knowing he didn’t hear him.


	3. The Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve hurts Tony.

 

 When Tony woke up on his couch, he didn’t remember what happened last night. He remembered he started drinking, again, and he was in the balcony. He must have gotten drunk and fell asleep. He shouldn’t have. Let alone himself, he didn’t have the right to make his loved ones go through this again. Well, if he had any friends after his sudden betrayal. Betrayal? Did he think what he was doing was wrong? No. He was protecting them.

“Should I call Mr. Rogers, sir?” He heard Jarvis say.

“What? Why would you that?” He asked.

“He dropped by last night when you were in the balcony.” Tony muttered a ‘fuck’ and shook his head.

“Why?” He asked.

“He…made sure you didn’t hurt yourself. I would be sufficient for that, I think, sir.” Jarvis and his attitude.

“I wasn’t _hurting_ myself.” Tony laughed. A painful one.

“You were about to fall off from the building, sir.” Tony stared to the balcony in shock. He was…that was the second time Steve saved him from himself. One time Tony drank too much that he didn’t realize his house was on fire. Steve had walked in and carried him outside and saved him. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head in disbelief.

“No,no,no…” He mumbled. He was a disaster, he was a fucking walking disaster and he didn’t deserve a friend like Steve. If he were Steve, he thought, he would have killed himself by now. Or at least, give up their friendship. It would be a lot easier if Steve just hated him. Why wouldn’t he hate him?

He let go of his thoughts, knowing he couldn’t break without completing his mission. Thıs was for the greater good and if he was going to be hated for this, be it. He would gladly take it if his friends and people are safe. And this was the wise option to take; superhumans would be educated and paid, what was wrong with that? Then he thought of Bill, guilt covering all other feelings. It was his fault, he knew. He reserved the cells of Thor when he died but he did not intend to use them like this. He gave Hill hell for this but what could he do? Bill was gone and the responsibility was Tony’s. Of course, he didn’t expect to finish this without anyone dying but it just hit him hard. He loved Bill, he donated millions in his honor but that didn’t mean anything. He was dead.

“Jarvis, call Agent Hill, we have to make arrangements.”

***

 

“We will follow the trunk sewer from here,” Luke Cage said as he put his finger on the map that lay on the table. Steve followed his finger, nodding.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. won’t be able to make it through there, they don’t have the enough equipment and they are too much in number, only a couple of them could follow us. But as for Iron Man, he could easily figure out our location with the help of Jarvis.” Cage added, checking Steve’s reaction at the mention of his best friend’s alias.

Steve doubted Tony would be there, he was so drunk last night, and he probably had a terrible headache. Steve sighed and folded the map.

He looked around the room, to his friends.

“Cage and Falcon will be leading to the right end of the sewer and I will be leading the left. Frank, as you know, you will go to the Baxter Building, the Fantastic Four’s home, Probably Richards will be there so you have to be careful and the building is highly guarded.” Steve said.

“Yeah, I am sure I will do fine. And Cap, please call me the Punisher while we are working together.” Steve rolled his eyes, he didn’t like working with this man, and he was a murderer. But this was no time to think these things. They needed every kind of support they could get.

“Get going, _Punisher_.” Steve demanded sarcastically. He stood up and turned towards the door.

 “And Frank,” Cap called behind him. “Don’t dare to harm any of the Fantastic Four, or you are done for.” He said nodding towards the Punisher’s weapons. Frank sighed and exited the room.

“Let’s get going then.”

Captain America knew what to do. He knew it would hurt him so much, yes but he had to do it. He had to fight Tony tonight. This time, _really_ fight him. He wasn’t sure he could do it but he just had to. He was leading his team into an ambush by pro-registration forces leaded by Tony and if he wanted the best for his team of Secret Avengers and for all the other superheroes, he was going to fight Tony tonight.

Steve went to his room and cried. If he was going to do it, he had to let the tears he’s been holding for months stream down his face. This was going to hurt him more than it hurts Tony.

***

“Iron Man, you will take Captain America down, right? I can count on you?” Agent Hill whispered as they stood in the centre of the New York City. They’ve been informed by Tigra that Secret Avengers would use the sewers to attack the pro-registrations forces without them knowing. Tigra was the mole they placed in the Secret Avengers. Tony felt guilty about this, of course. But that wasn’t important. Maybe when he understands they didn’t stand a chance against them tonight, he would surrender, he hoped. But come on, that was Captain America.

He heard footsteps and voices coming near. He told Jarvis to be ready. He didn’t want to do this again. He would do it though. He would do it because he was a jerk like that.

“Captain America and The Secret Avengers,” Agent Hill said.

“Surrender.”

Then without Tony could process what she had said, the two groups mixed with each other and started fighting, this time more savage and violent. He then saw Captain America coming towards him. He was coming so fast, Tony understood he was willing to fight this time.

He used his electro punch to disarm him of his shield but Steve didn’t let him.

“Chemical sprays!” he shouted to Jarvis as he saw Cap throwing his shield towards him, sprays hit him and he fell to the ground, his uniform was slit and Tony saw blood coming but he did not have time to think this through as Cap caught his shield again and threw it towards his armor, he was prepared so he didn’t fall.

 What was he doing fighting with the man he loves? He should just let Steve kill him.

“Thanks.” Tony said as he threw the pulse beams to him.

“For— _what_?” Steve asked gritting his teeth and blocking the pulse beams.

“Jarvis told me.” He saw Steve get tense as they were fighting.

***

He forgot about Jarvis. How could he be so stupid? He fucking told Tony he loved him when he was asleep and Jarvis was listening. He told Tony. So why did he sound like he didn’t know?

“He told you what, exactly?” Steve asked as he blocked the blue rays coming towards his direction.

“That you came to my tower and saved me from falling.” He said. “Not that I would fall,” he added quickly. He was always like this; he would die before he admits he needs help, even from his best friend. Or former best friend. Why wasn’t he telling Steve he knew? He knew Steve loved him? Was he so disgusted with him that he didn’t want to accept it?

“What else did he told you?” he asked. Now they were done fighting. They were standing and talking in the middle of heroes and S.H.I.E.L.D. fighting.

“I didn’t tell him anything else, _sir_. That was all you’ve done.” He heard Jarvis say. What the hell? When did Jarvis start developing consciousness? He left out the part where he- that was strange but he was relieved. It would be just more fucked up if he knew. He nodded and walked towards Tony to do what he has been planning to do. Iron Man was just standing there; it would be easier to call him Iron Man in this moment. Cap reached out his hand towards him.

“Cap?” Tony sounded shocked but Cap knew he would take his hand. And he did.

“What was that for?” Tony asked. Then suddenly his armor started shutting down. Tony looked to his hand and there was a little device on the armor that transmitted some kind of signal to the other parts of the armor.

“Oh,no.” he muttered as his armor was completely shut down. “No, no, no.” he repeated but it would do no good. Now his armor was just dead weight, he couldn’t move. He was just standing in his armor, watching Steve.

Suddenly, Steve sucker-punched him and he rolled onto the ground. Steve knew that hurt, Tony yelled in pain before hitting the ground. He was lying on his back now, not able to do anything. He tried to move his arms, legs, head…but it was all useless. His armor was too heavy. Steve tried to stand steady; he couldn’t stand seeing Tony like that.

Before walking into the fight, Steve said he was sorry. He was more than sorry. He wanted to kill himself.


	4. A Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve visits Tony again.

 Tony woke up in pain. He remembered the other week and grimaced. He was at hospital for one week after that punch he got from Steve. Yes, he was that strong. He deserved it though. He deserved everything bad he could think of. He just didn’t think Steve would hurt him like that; it never occurred to him that Steve had this rage inside him. One part of Tony always thought that maybe there was a chance Steve loved him as Tony did, but with last week, this idea was proven wrong. Even if it was true, Steve would have started hating him already.

  He was home today, if he could call this place home anymore without Steve and the other Avengers. He was feeling really depressed so he decided he would take a day off, he was already off duty because of his injury but he worked inside the tower all day. He wasn’t going to do anything today, just eat cereal and watch some TV and lie all day. He missed it. He wished Avengers were with him, Hulk and Clint would fight over who gets to eat the hazelnut paste, Janet and Hank would fight over something about their old relationship and who was the reason they broke up, Natasha would complain that there is not enough space in her room for practice…

  He sighed and turned on the TV, half lying on the couch and eating his cereal.

_“Underground move-”_

_“Pro-registration forces started to-”_

_“Captain America and his Secret Avengers are out of sight since they-”_

Tony let out a breath of boredom. All the same. Always talking about politics and superheroes like they got nothing better to do. He wondered where Cap is now. They were probably finding new places to hide since S.H.I.E.L.D. found the last one, thanks to Tony. He hoped Steve was okay. However he tried to blame him for sucker-punching Tony, Steve did what he had to do. Just because Tony didn't have the guts to do what was necessary in order to fight for his side and friends, just because he wasn't willing to hurt Steve for the sake of millions, he couldn't expect the same from Steve.

   As he was processing this idea, he heard noises from the lower floor of his apartment. He sent S.H.I.E.L.D. agents away , who was that? Or did he imagine it? It was almost impossible to get pass the Stark Tower security. It had to be one of the Avengers; they were the only ones who could do it.

“Jarvis prepare mark 42.” He whispered in case something dangerous was there. “Hello?” he called out. There were no voices now; maybe he started hallucinating or something. Jarvis would have let him know if someone was there, right? Right.  He went to his bedroom and lie on his bed, he just woke up but he felt sleepy again. And sleep was the only time when he couldn't think so he slept a lot last couple of months. 

***

_One Hour Ago_

 Steve was just standing in front of the Stark Tower, looking up. He was thinking his next step, would he go up see Tony, would he just walk away now and never come back to him again? He was going crazy for the last eight days and the fact that he hurt Tony was something he could never forgive about himself. Steve heard that he was in hospital whole week and after this news, he didn’t even leave his room, not even to eat. Others knew something was up, probably they knew it was about Tony but they didn’t ask and he was grateful for it.

    He decided, he would just go up and check on Tony without him seeing. Jarvis didn’t tell Tony about what he said earlier so maybe he wouldn’t tell this time. He used his secret entrance to enter the tower then he took the elevator because there seem to be no agents here today.

“Welcome, sir. Should I inform Mr. Stark?” He heard Jarvis as he left the elevator.

“No.” Steve replied and there was no response back. “Why didn’t you tell him, Jarvis?” Steve asked.

“Tell him what exactly, sir?” Jarvis said, trying to be oblivious. Steve grinned and wondered when Jarvis became this thoughtful.

“Well, thank you anyway. What is Tony doing?” He asked.

“Mr. Stark woke up an hour and forty two minutes ago. He is upstairs eating cereal and watching TV, sir.”  Steve nodded but he was really surprised because he wouldn’t think Tony would take a time off at a time like this. But of course, he was the one who punched him and put him to this position. He felt rage rising inside him as he remembered it again.

As he paced through the room with anger, he accidently hit the painting that was not yet hanged and knocked it down, it made a huge noise, obviously. He quickly got it up and leaned it against the wall but Tony must have heard the voice. He stood still and tried not to make a voice. He heard Tony’s footsteps upstairs as he called “Hello?” expecting a response he never received. Oh, how he missed his voice. How he missed it.

Then the voices stopped and a door closed.

“Where did he go?” Steve asked Jarvis impatiently.

“He went to sleep, sir. I think he didn’t sleep very much last night.”

Steve waited for twenty minutes and went upstairs. He was planning on seeing him while he was asleep; Tony was a heavy sleeper so Steve doubted he would wake up. Steve didn’t know why he was hiding and why he was here or why was Jarvis helping him but he knew one thing: he needed desperately to see Tony.  He entered his bedroom, seeing him wrapped in his blanket. He looked cold but cozy. He sat on the edge of his bed and watched him for two hours. Literally, he realized he was there for two hours and it wasn’t helping him to get over his guilt nor love for Tony. Just as he was preparing to leave this beautiful sight, he heard his voice.

“Steve?”

***

Tony woke up to see Steve standing in his bedroom and was really shocked and he realized he missed him.

“Steve?” he called. Steve turned quickly and his eyes widened.

“Oh..um, Tony.. hi.” He muttered. Tony wanted to laugh at his confused face. “I-just wanted to-you know come here-and… actually I was just leaving.” He mumbled as he made his way to the door.

“Cap, it’s okay.” He tried to calm him. Tony wanted Steve to stay for a little bit. He knew they weren’t exactly friends now; in fact Steve beat the shit out of him, but he couldn’t help himself. Steve stopped but didn’t turn back.

“Stay.” Tony said in a sharper voice, it was more like an order than an invite. Tony had to remember that Captain America didn’t like to be ordered around but to his surprise, Steve nodded and sat on the edge of the bed.

“So…what brings you here?” Tony asked as he watched Steve’s beautifully shaped face as he tensed.

“Um, you know, to check up on you…and it’s odd since I’m the one who gave you these bruises.” Steve replied as he touched Tony’s arms, Tony shivered under his touch.

Steve looked in pain for a second. “Are you afraid of me?” He asked, misinterpreting Tony’s shivering. He looked like that thought scared him.

“Of course not. I’m the one with the armor, aren’t I?” Tony chuckled and tried to calm him. He couldn’t just say he shivered because Steve touched him.

Steve shifted in his place uncomfortably. 

“You did what you had to do.” Tony stated with a serious voice.

“That’s what I tell myself.” Steve said looking down. “Tony, I will not back down from this and you know that.”

“Yes. I do know that.”

“Why aren’t you calling the authorities now? Why don’t you get me arrested?” He asked. Tony really didn’t know the answer himself. Of course, there was the fact that he was infatuated with Steve, but that was irrelevant to their conversation.

“Honestly, Cap… I don’t even know anymore.” Tony sighed. “I just…I just want all of this to end and go back to the old times.”

“You know that won’t happen unless you change your mind about joining us…joining me.”

“Steve…I have to finish what I’ve started. I just want my people safe like you do. If I join you, I fear there will be no one in pro-registration to stop S.H.I.E.L.D. from executing all of you. And I cannot let that happen. I am sorry.”  Tony said with determination.

“Is that why you are working with them? To protect us? Not because you believe in it? Because if you join us, we could protect us better.”  Steve looked at Tony but he looked like he was all out of hope.

“I understand.” Steve said before waiting for Tony’s reply. “Just don’t get hurt while doing it.”

Tony showed of his arms and face with his hand. “Seems I have someone else doing that for me.” He joked and grinned.

 Steve left.


	5. The Abduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad things happen to Tony.

“No, Hill.” Tony shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Just handle the situation yourself. I don’t feel like fighting today.” Tony said childishly.

 _“What do you mean you don’t feel like fighting?”_ Agent Hill whispered from the phone. Tony could tell she was angry with him. _“This is war.”_

“Listen to yourself! War with whom? Captain fucking America?! He is practically this nation itself and saved it more times than you could count.” Tony snapped even though he didn’t mean to.

_“Tony…why do I get the feeling you are giving up on this?”_

Tony stayed silent for a minute.

“I’m not giving up on anything.” Tony sighed. “But I refuse to hurt anyone anymore. I will still be your public image.”

 _“Be as it may.”_ Agent Hill said sharply and hung up.

 Tony shrugged and went to bed. Since yesterday, since Steve left, he just kept sleeping and lying on his bed. He didn’t feel like doing anything. He did not eat and he did not think. He just slept. But now it was time to think since he was having some faith problems. Did he not believe in his cause? Or was it something else? Was his love for Steve mixing up his ideals and emotions? Or was he just saying that because he needed to believe that the reason he was having doubts wasn’t about the registration act?

 Then he decided, after all he did not want to think. It confused him. And nothing ever confuses Tony. Like ever. He closed his eyes. He slept. Again.

_TWELVE HOURS LATER_

“What do _you_ think he will do? You just abducted him from the fucking Stark Tower, didn’t you?” I opened my eyes to this voice. I didn’t recognize it at first but I think it was Agent Coulson. I couldn’t see anywhere but then my eyes adjusted to the dark. Great. I have been abducted. By S.H.I.E.L.D. What a wonderful day.

“We had to. It was a mutual agreement.” I heard her voice.          

“Are you kidding me, Hill?” Maria turned to me in shock. “When did you wake up?”

“Shut up. Did you put me in a _Magneto_ cage? _Really?_ ” Tony looked around the cabin that was demagnetized.  The glass of the cage was ten feet away from the ground Hill and Coulson was standing. “I mean, I don’t even have my armor. What do you think I’ll do? Thor myself out of here? Jesus, Maria. What is this?” I was getting angry.

“I’m sorry, Tony but you were slipping out and we could not risk you joining Captain America. This would destroy our propaganda. One leader Avenger is enough against the government.” She explained.

“You were planning this, right? How did you get in my tower? How did you get pass Jarvis?”

“These are the questions you know the answers to. I am practically the government itself. A more armed one.” Hill said, she sounded like she was threatening Tony.

“Armed with _my_ weapons.” He snapped.

“Whatever. You will stay here till the underground movement is down.”

“Down? What do you mean _down_?” Tony was worried what they were capable of if he was not around to stop them.

“Arrested and in custody. Registered. And if that not works…dead.” She said.

“Dead?! Don’t be absurd Maria! You kill Steve Rogers, you kill America!” I shouted.

“He left us no other choice.”

***

“Cap, we need to talk.” Peter rushed into the room; he looked more worried than usual. And he didn’t crack a joke the first time he entered.

“What happened, Spider-Man?” Steve asked worriedly. “Is someone captured?” That was the worst he could think of. If they capture someone, they would torture him till he begged for his life.

“Yes. But not one of our own. I mean one of our own but not right now-you know-”

“Who?”

“Cap-you sure you want to-” Steve was getting more worried.

“Tell me who, Spiderman!”

“Okay,okay.” Peter looked up to Steve’s face with a concerned face. “It’s Iron Man.”

Steve felt numb, like he stayed in ice for two hundred more years.

“No.” he said. “No, no, no…Why would they do that?” He muttered meaninglessly. He tried to hang onto something to stand still. Peter held him and helped him sit.

Peter was a mole in the S.H.I.E.LD. Nobody knew he was Spiderman but he was officially an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“What are they doing to him? Why are they doing it?” Steve tried to hold it together. He was a strong man. He stood up.

“Hill said he was having doubts about the registration act and refusing to fight you.” Peter stated. “I don’t know any details yet but I heard they were keeping him in the room made for Magneto.”

“ _Magneto?_ This is serious. I’m sure at some point they will start to interrogate him for the information he doesn’t know.”

“Cap…actually they know he’s been seeing you. They know about your visits to the Stark Tower.” Steve froze. How did he not interpret these? They let him in the Tower. They’ve been watching the Tower from afar and they knew his comings and goings. God. It was all his fault. It was his fault that they were going to torture Tony and try to get information. And the worst part is, Steve knew Tony would never say a word. Steve wished he’d tell.

 “Peter.” He said. He knew what this abduction of Tony’s was about. “I’m leaving you in command of Secret Avengers. I will turn myself in.”

“What? Sorry-WHAT?!” Peter shouted.

“Keep quiet..” Peter was about to protest more but Steve didn’t let him. “Trust me. Please. This is all about me, they captured him because they thought it was the only way to get to me. They were right.” Peter flinched and didn’t protest this time. He understood.

Steve looked at Peter, his frightened face, his disappointment. He loved him like a son, and Peter looked up to him like a father. Steve suddenly understood why he can’t do what he just said. Tony was more important than everything, yes, but Tony would not want him to do this. He may be on the other side but Tony couldn’t stop blaming himself for Steve’s lifelong punishment and Secret Avengers’ also. He was like that, Steve knew him.

“Peter, I have a plan. Do you trust me?” Steve asked him.

“With my life.”

“I’m putting you in charge of the rescuing mission for Tony. You are a respectable agent in the S.H.I.E.L.D. and they trust you. Take Luke, Iron Fist, and Punisher with you. I hate to say this, but take Deadpool too, he only listens to you and he’s a good soldier.” Steve said and looked to the younger boy. “I know Tony is not on our side but he is-was our teammate. He will not be tortured because of us.” He added.

“Of course, Cap. He is one of our own. No matter what. I will gather the team.” Peter said, smiling warmly. “Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

Steve simply nodded.

“Thank you for doing this, Peter. Now I will gather the rest of the team and meet Maria Hill. She expects me to turn myself in and I will make her think that so she is more defenseless. I know she won’t risk it so she will come with her best men, so you and others can enter the Hellicarrier. It will be very hard, be careful.” Steve

 Steve wore his uniform and stood straight, like a soldier. He took his phone out, dialed a number.

“ _I figured you might call.”_

“We have to talk.”

“ _Central Park. Duck pond. Less suspicious. At 2 am.”_

“Will meet you there, Agent Hill. Come alone.”

***

Tony was afraid. Tony was really, _really_ afraid. He did not fear for himself, that wasn’t an option. He feared for his friends, and mostly he feared for Steve. He couldn’t think of a life without him in it. He would do anything to make sure that never happens. Now what he could do? Nothing. He was just sitting in this cell, not being able to form a single plan. He had to get out of there, but that seemed impossible.

“Argh!” He yelled, knowing no one could hear him. His eyes were all teary because of all the telling and anger for the last six hours.

“Angry much?” A sarcastic voice came from the dark ahead. He knew that voice. He definitely knew that voice.

“ _Wilson?”_ Tony said, this was unbelievable. What the hell was he doing here?

“Oh, call me Deadpool, shellhead. Nice to see you without your condom. Eheh.” Wade Wilson, aka Merc with a Mouth aka Deadpool. He worked for money and money only.

“That’s enough, Wade.” A voice came behind him; other feet noises followed the voice.

“Spiderman?! Oh my god, what are you doing here? You have to get your team out of here, agents everywhe-”

Luke Cage, Iron Fist and Punisher showed up as Peter used the torch to light the place.

“Okay…” Tony said.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked as Peter approached the cell.

“We will release you.” Peter replied.

“What-why? I mean, this is not in your benefit.”

“Tony, you are one of our own. How could you ask that? So we should just let them torture you?” Peter looked fed up.

“They won’t torture me, they just won’t risk it.”

“They know about Cap’s visits. They think you’re helping him. They disabled all of your armors. You don’t have any weapons.”

Tony muttered a fuck under his breath. Could this get any worse?

“How will you release me anyway?” Tony laughed painfully. “It’s not like S.H.I.E.L.D. would just-” Tony shut up when Peter showed him the remote control.

“Oh. Okay. How?” He asked.

“I am an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.” Peter looked like he explained that a lot to people.

“Right.”

***

Steve rose as he saw Agent Hill walk across the pavement.

“Hello, Captain America.” She said and faked a smiled.

“You know why I am here, right Maria?” He got right to the point.

“Perfectly.” She said. “To turn yourself in.”

“I’m afraid this is not why we are here.” A voice came behind the bushes, and Scarlet Witch appeared. She was in her regular costume, her hex power easily visible around her. And behind her, Wonder Man, The Wasp, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Vision, Black Panther, Storm, Ms. Marvel and The Falcon showed up, all was wearing costumes. Most of the people that were pro-registration changed their mind now.

Hill looked truly surprised, and even though she tried too hard not to show it, she was a bit scared.

“Now, Ms. _Hill_ , do you wish to fight or walk away?” Steve asked kindly.

“I don’t think so, Rogers.” She said. “All teams here.” She ordered.

They were prepared, S.H.I.E.L.D. had more forces than they usually do and Avengers stood too little chance.

Then the fight began.

Then the others came. Captain blew up a van and rushed to Spiderman.

“How is Tony?” he threw his shield to a soldier. “Is he okay?” His shield came back to him.

“He’s okay. We dropped him by the Tower. He’s safe; Jarvis restored the security systems of the tower.” Peter said and Steve took a deep breath of relief as he continued to fight. Deadpool and others also joined the fight along Captain America.

“Cap, you have to surrender, I warn you for the last time.” Agent Hill shouted from the helicopter she was in. “This is for the best. Surrender!” she added.

“I don’t think so, Agent _Kill_.” Steve heard Tony’s voice as lasers passed near him towards the helicopter. Steve turned his back to face Tony without his armor; he just had the left arm part of it.

“Tony, get back! Get back! Get out of here; I can’t protect you like this!” Steve yelled worriedly.

“I am Iron Man; I can protect myself _and_ you. Even without my armor. And you trained me.Keep fighting boys!” He started to shoot laser beams towards the forces and he looked like he was doing okay. Steve was worried but he had to keep on fighting. Then it’d all be okay.

He saw a helicopter coming towards him and used his shield to disable the weapon part; helicopter fell and dragged towards the street. He looked behind and saw Tony fighting and Steve saw a group of soldiers running to him. He had no time to retrieve his shield so he rushed to save Tony from the group. Just as he was reaching him, he heard her voice.

“I warned you, you did not listen to me. I really wished I wouldn’t be the one to this but you left me no other choice.” It was Agent Hill, in the helicopter, it had an advanced weapon pointed at Steve that he didn’t even recognize, but he assumed it was made to kill him or others like him, meaning it was very powerful. He didn’t have his shield and that was bad. He looked around, measuring and plotting ways to ditch the weapon. But he was not sure he could be that fast.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” She pushed the button; Steve thought about death, he wasn’t afraid. He thought of Tony, he was happy.

“NO!”

But the death never came, he opened his eyes to the voice of the gunshot and he saw him. Lying on the ground, his white shirt now all red with blood. Steve didn’t understand at first.

“I- I didn’t mean- to shoot him- I was aiming at you—he jumped--jumped in front of you- I--”

He fell to his knees and screamed. He screamed like he could never stop. He couldn’t and wouldn’t stop or this will all become real.

Tony.

Tony.


	6. My Fault

 Steve sat on the bed Tony was lying for two months, not speaking a word to anyone, barely eating and not sleeping. They brought Tony to the Baxter Building because Steve knew Reed Richards was the only one who could be able to help him. And he did, Steve wanted to believe he did but Tony was not waking. Richards was saying he was most likely--- _dead_.

 No, Steve would not give up. Tony would wake up. And Steve would never, never let him go again. Steve blamed himself. They used Tony to get to him and this was all his fault. He could never forgive himself.

“Please, Tony, wake up.” He begged for the millionth time. The door opened and Wanda came in.

“Cap, you should sleep. Your superhuman genes will not hold you anymore.” She sounded worried. Steve wanted to tell her it didn’t matter; he wanted to tell her he can’t leave Tony’s side for one second. But he didn’t. He had to keep his team on track and not worried for him.

“I’m fine, Wanda. I just want to stay with him, that’s all.”

“We have visitors.” Peter called from the corridor. “A _lot_ of them.”       

Steve was shocked once X-Men, Doctor Strange and the Young Avengers entered the room. He really did not want all these guests here with Tony; he would be uncomfortable from all this attention if he were-he were conscious. But they wouldn’t be here just to give their condolences.

“Hey, Cap.” Wiccan said, smiling warmly. Steve simply nodded.

“Captain, we are all Tony’s friends even he often claims to have none, we all care about him and were deeply sorrowed to hear these news.” Doctor Strange spoke. Steve looked to these people; even Magneto was there near Professor X. Cyclops was there with Angel. Wiccan and Hulking were there. Steve’s mind was off now, thinking of the adventures he experienced with these people along with Tony.

“Steven?” Charles called. Steve snapped out of his dreams.

“Oh, yes, thank you.” He replied sadly.

“That’s why we’ve been working on a theory on how to heal Tony.” Steve widened his eyes at this sentence. “You know Wiccan, Angel and I have healing powers.”

“But-but I thought those powers didn’t work when the body was—the brain was-dead.” Steve lowered his voice while saying this because he didn’t even accept that himself.

“We’ve have done some experiments and we believe that if we combine our powers, we might be able to heal him.” Angel said.

“But it is not for sure, you have to agree to this. We will not do anything unless you say so. It might also permanently damage him or cause his body to die.” Doctor Strange added quickly. Steve didn’t even think.

“Do it.” He had no other choice. “But give me a moment before please.”

They all nodded and left the room.

Steve held Tony’s hand, kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

***

From the nothingness, the dark formed before Tony’s eyes. He was not awake but he felt. He felt the pumping of his heart and he was able to think. And the first thing he could think of was Maria Hill pointing an enormous gun against Steve. He panicked, he had to save Steve. Why wasn’t he feeling anything? Why couldn’t he talk and see? Then he remembered; he did save Steve. It was all okay. Steve was alive. He was feeling hands on his chest now, he felt he was becoming a matter slowly from the numbness. Then he started hearing voices, muttering.

“Did it work?” This was Steve. Tony felt like he didn’t hear his voice in ages. Maybe he didn’t but he still knew it. “DID IT?!”

“Jesus, would you cool it off? My head is hurting.” Tony said but didn’t open his eyes yet. He was used to dark and was afraid to see what the light brings. But he eventually did open his eyes and saw all of his friends looking at him shocked.

“Tony?! Oh my god, you are fucking alive!” Steve cried out with happiness. He was so cute.

“What did I tell you about keeping it cool? And don’t swear Cap, it makes me really uncomfo-” Tony was unable to finish his sentence because Spiderman jumped on him.

“Jesus!” Tony said as Peter hugged him. “Okay, okay!”

Others also hugged him and eventually left. Now only the Avengers were in the room. Steve looked very disturbed and Tony didn’t like that. He just came back from the dead!

“We’ll leave you two alone. See you at the new Mansion. You _will_ be coming this time, won’t you Tony?” Hawkeye asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course. I made a mistake and will try my best to make up for it. I can’t go back there.” Tony said, regret showing in his voice.

“Good.” Hawkeye nodded and they headed for the door. When they left, Tony looked at Steve, he didn’t look like he has been listening a word for the last two hours.

“Steve, I’m starting to think my coming-back-to-life upset you.” Tony said, half-jokingly and half serious.

“Of course I am, Tony. More than anyone. It’s just- it’s just that this was my fault. I almost caused your death.” Steve looked down.

“Don’t be ridiculous. That doesn’t even make sense. You didn’t throw me in front of you. Did you?” Tony said.

“Yes, but they imprisoned you because of me. They would torture you if Spiderman and others did not rescue you. And then, then you fucking come and jump in front of the fucking gun… my fault… it is all my fault.” Steve held his head in his hands. He looked so pained and Tony wanted to explain him how it was not his fault, how the things he did was his choice and responsibility. He wanted to make him happy.

“Steve, Steve those were all my making. You have no part in it. My choices and responsibilities. I didn’t even think you had a part in any of this, ever. And you don’t.”

“I know- I just can’t forgive myself for this. I need time. I cannot get you hurt again. I cannot let you _get_ hurt again, Tony.” Tony felt really miserable. He didn’t want Steve to feel responsible and blame himself.

“Cap- listen to you. I got hurt because I chose it. I am Iron Man; nobody could easily hurt me if I don’t want them to.” Tony stated.

“You don’t know that. You have enemies. I have more. And if they can’t get me, they will come for you because—because you are my best friend and I care about you.” Tony muttered ‘obviously’ under his breath when he heard the word _friend_.

“Then we will fight them together. We are a team. We are partners. We can do it together.” Tony said hopefully.

“I know we can. I know we will. I just need time.”

“For what?”

“To figure out some things.”

“Okay.” Tony was sad. He was.

He will come around, he thought.

He left the room.


	7. Like A Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Magneto is not who Steve thinks he is.

_“I’m sorry, Steve.” Maria Hill said as she pushed the button.  Tony couldn’t let this happen. The only thing he felt was fear of losing Steve and nothing else mattered. He had to save him._

_“NO!”_ _he heard his voice and he didn’t even recognize shouting. Last thing he knew was he was in front of Steve, taking the bullets to save his life. It didn’t matter. He was glad he saved Steve. Tony didn’t care that he was dying. He felt happy that it was all over actually, it was good; dying. It felt as you were being pulled towards a warm and cozy environment where this war and heartbreaks didn’t exist._

_He didn’t want Steve to feel guilty and blame himself. He wanted him to have a happy life. Tony didn’t regret his actions. He wanted Steve to remember him and all the others. His friends. They were always there and he abandoned them. They were his family when he had none and he betrayed them._

_“TONY!” He heard Steve’s voice as he was pulled into the oblivion. Then he heard his crying. He had to open his eyes for one more time and tell him it was okay. He had to calm him and tell him he was fine. He had to._

_But he couldn’t make him hear his voice. He struggled to talk for the last time but he couldn’t._

_“TONY!” Steve screamed again. “Tony!” I am sorry Steve. I really am. I love you._

“Tony!” Someone was shaking him.

“No! Let me go! I have to save him, I HAVE TO SAVE HIM!”  He suddenly opened his eyes to see Steve shaking him, looking horrified. It was dark but the lamb on his desk was turned on. He saw Steve and noticed he was dreaming, trying to be calm and slow down his heart rate which was damaged to begin with.

“You are okay.”

“Are _you_ okay?” Steve asked worriedly, it was obvious he hadn’t slept in days.  “Tony, you are crying.”

Tony touched his face and felt the wetness. He had been crying in his sleep. Freaking amazing. Like he was four. Okay, he has been through a near death experience but he did that like, a lot. He didn’t want Steve seeing him like this, especially when he was behaving like Tony didn’t exist for the last couple of days.

“Yes, Cap. I am okay. Thank you for bothering to come here.” Tony said curtly.

“Tony, I----goodnight.” Steve looked like he wanted to say something but he just sighed. Tony didn’t say anything and turned his back to him. Steve left the room.

***

  Steve felt really bad while leaving Tony’s room. Tony’s been seeing nightmares again. It was never this intense; he never had to wake him up from these nightmares. Steve just stood in his bedroom, watching him while he mumbled things like “No…should save him…dead” in his sleep while turning around in his bed at nights. But this time, Steve had to wake him up because he was crying and screaming. Seeing Tony like this made Steve hate himself. This was his entire fault and he noticed he said that a lot to himself. If he weren’t fucking careless, Tony would be okay now. Now he was being a jerk to him. Tony didn’t deserve this. But the reason was that, if he acts like he used to, it was for sure that his enemies would try to hurt Tony again. Steve knew Tony was perfectly capable of protecting himself but he just couldn’t risk it. S.H.I.E.L.D. knew he care about Tony the most and they used him to get to Steve and it almost worked, Steve almost gave up.

  He couldn’t let Tony get hurt again. Maybe if he acts like this, Tony would give up on their relationship and leave his side so he would be safe. This was the only way, Steve thought.

Steve went to sleep and he stayed in the bed for a couple of hours till the morning arrived. He dressed up and went to look for Tony, he was still sleeping. He prepared breakfast for him and the rest of the team and left the Mansion. He had to meet with the underground team and make some arrangements.

He walked down the street, disguised as a random citizen. He thought about his decisions and whether they were true or not.

“Captain America.” Steve turned around, prepared to fight. It was Magneto.

“Erik. What are you doing here?” Steve asked. Erik was on the hero side these days and a friend but Steve still remembered his days as a relentless villain.

“I was just taking a walk.”

“Magneto is simply taking a _walk_? That seems out of the ordinary.” Steve said, raising an eyebrow.

“Sometimes it is too much to handle in Charles’ school. Lots of despair and almost forgotten memories.” Erik said, he looked sad and that was not even possible. He was Magneto. He didn’t have emotions expect his will to protect mutant kind in any circumstances.

“I understand.” He didn’t.

“Shall we talk, Captain?” Magneto asked. This day was going nothing as Steve had planned.

“Okay. About what?”

“I notice something is troubling you. I know it is none of my business, but you are a friend of our kind. You never separated us from other humans and did your best to help us live among them. We owe you a lot. I know you will think I must have a purpose in doing this looking back at my villainous days but believe me when I say I just want to help.” He said and Steve thought this could not get weirder. But he was glad, really. Magneto was the one that made him believe people could change whatever their actions were before.

“That is very kind of you, Erik. I am just a bit tired of all this chaos and you know, Tony—Tony getting shot.” His voice cracked at the end.

“I’ve seen you Steve. I know you love him.” Steve was shocked to hear his words.

“Well, of course I do, he is my best friend.”

“You know what I mean. I know what you are trying to do. I did the same. I observed you. You are trying to make him leave you to stop him from getting hurt.”

“What do you mean you did the same?” Steve asked not understanding. “Not that I am but…”

“With Charles. Nobody knows but I’ll tell you this: we were not just best friends in the past.”

“Oh.” Steve said. “This is…oh.” This was a lot to take in. He knew Charles and Erik were best friends before they parted ways but he never knew they were lovers.

“Why didn’t you- I don’t know- what happened?” Steve was really confused.

“One time that Charles got hurt because of me, one of the former Nazis that I knew was looking for revenge and he hurt Charles because of me. Then I left him, as you know, to go on my own way. I believed that if I left him alone, he would not get hurt. But it wasn’t like that. Look where that got us. We barely talk, we are afraid to look at each other in the eyes.”

“This is something I never expected to be honest. But I don’t understand how this connects to me.” He did. He perfectly understood.

“You don’t have to act clueless, Steve. I am just saying because you are a friend.” Erik looked really serious. “It is too late for us now. Do you want it to be too late for you?” This question stroke Steve. He didn’t. He didn’t want to lose Tony.

“I- I don’t.” He replied honestly.

“Then do something about it.” Erik said.

“How?”

“You will know. You can’t protect him by excluding him, I would know.” Erik lowered his head.

“Do you still…?”

Erik nodded. “Till the end of my times.” Steve was shocked to hear that response, all those years, he still loved Charles. All that pain. Now he understood Magneto and his wild nature.

“There is still a chance.”

“No. Too late. We are too late. You are not.” Then he left.


	8. I Will Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve says something unexpected.

  Steve arrived at the secret Avengers Mansion after his meeting and was thinking about his conversation with Erik. After the things Erik had said, Steve really was not sure about his decision of behaving distant towards Tony. He did not want to lose Tony forever; he just wanted to protect him. But who was he to decide if Tony didn’t want to be protected? He knew it was not his decision to make but he could not handle losing Tony. But as Magneto said, was it to right way to protect him or was he just putting him in more danger? He did not know.

   He entered his room and put on his daily clothes. Where were the others?

“Jarvis, where are the Avengers?” He asked.

“There was a small SHIELD unit that was causing problem, sir.”

“Tony too?” Steve asked worriedly, it was too early for him to go into fights, especially when Steve was not there.

“No, sir. He is in his room.” Jarvis replied. Steve wanted to check up on him and make sure he was okay.

“I would not advise you to enter Mr. Stark’s room, Captain Rogers.” What was up with Jarvis now? He was making suggestions?

 “Thanks for the advice, J.” He said, making his way upstairs. He heard some kind of metal song coming from his room. It was very loud, and there were giggling sounds. Steve ignored the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and grabbed the door handle. Should he? Or should he just walk away? He processed all the things Magneto said and his own thoughts and made his final decision; he opened the door.

 “Jesus, Tony.” He said uncomfortably as he saw two girls sitting on Tony’s lap, half naked. Steve covered his eyes as girls rushing to put on their bras and t-shirts.

“Come on, girls! I know most of people saw Captain America as a father figure but come on!” Tony said and chuckled as he sipped from the beer in his hand. Steve saw all the empty beer and other cans on the ground. Tony was sitting and he looked drunk and messed up.

“Is this the _real_ Captain America?” One of the girls whispered in amazement.

“Oh, I don’t know is it? I can’t tell the difference to be honest.” Tony mumbled and stood up, he came lurching near Steve.

“I think he is _very_ real, girls. Look at those arms!” He joked and grabbed Steve’s arm. Girls giggled at this. Steve pulled his arm from his hands and gave him an annoyed look. Then he looked at the girls in a way that suggested them to leave. They did as they threw admiring looks at Steve. When they left, he stopped the music player.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, gritting his teeth, trying to be calm and ignore the need he felt to punch Tony in the face.

“Errr. Grumpy.” Tony muttered as he raised the can to take a sip, Steve took it from his hand.

“God, leave me alone.” Tony said, trying to retrieve the beer. Steve did not late him take it and eventually Tony gave up trying.

“Whatever. I have thousands of it.” He went near the window and stretched. Steve noticed he was different, more careless now. He looked like he didn’t care about anything at the moment and that made Steve angry. He hated, he absolutely hated when Tony didn’t care about himself and make himself a mess. He was great and he never knew it.

“I will not.”

“What?”

“I will not fucking leave you.”

“Oh? I thought that was, like, your life goal.” Tony yawned. Steve was getting furious. At himself mostly but how could Tony think that Steve did not care about him? How could he?

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean anything. I don’t care. You do what you want. I -don’t- give- a -fuck.” Tony said and headed for the door after he put on his pants and t-shirt. That was out of line. Steve harshly held him by the arm and made Tony face him. They were so close now, tension growing.

“You are hurting my arm, super-fucking-soldier. Let me go.” Tony tried to rescue his arm but Steve just held it tighter.

“I will not.” Tony frowned and they just looked at each other angrily for a minute.

“What do you want? Tony sighed. He didn’t have any type of emotion in his eyes, they were just empty. Steve could not stand that.

“I want you to fucking love yourself like I do.” Steve released his arm when he processed what he had said. Tony looked in shock and Steve knew he had to fix it.

“Look, you are my _best friend_ and I care about you. Why won’t you?” Steve said and he felt so weak for not being able to tell Tony that he loved him more than anything.

“Because I don’t have the time.” Tony said and stepped out of the room. He turned to Steve for the last time. “I need to care about other things.” He said. Steve didn’t understand what that meant.

***

Tony went downstairs to his lab, he was now sober. Great. He made a fool of himself in front of Steve. Again. But Tony was just tired; he couldn’t cope with it these days. Steve didn’t even look at him in the eye after he got shot. Okay, maybe he was feeling guilty but he had no reason to cast Tony aside. Tony was fucked up anyways and he needed to forget things so he gave himself to work. He was working on a new mark and this one would be his best and maybe they would have a shot at surviving this civil war. He worked late at night, never ate, didn’t sleep. Jarvis warned him that his blood pressure was dropping but he didn’t listen to him.

He was working on this suit for six months, since the civil war started.  He was half way done. He looked at his watch and it was 4 a.m. He did not plan to go to sleep, he couldn’t if he tried. He thought about Steve and how he’s been an ass to him earlier. Being drunk was not an excuse but he just didn’t want Steve to know that he was weak and he needed him. Because he did, he needed him more than anything. When Steve said he loved him, he was so shocked that he couldn’t breathe for a moment but then he did know Steve meant it as a friendly love. When Steve asked Tony why he couldn’t care about himself, Tony couldn’t tell the truth. How he felt worthless of his love, how he hated himself and how messed up he was or how he loved him.

“You need to get sleep.”

“I told you Jarvis I- _Steve_?” He was so concentrated on his work and thoughts that he didn’t realize Steve was in the room. “How long you’ve been here?” He asked, because Steve looked like he stood there a long time.

“Enough to know that you should get some sleep.”

“ _I will not.”_ Tony said, imitating Steve’s voice earlier. He was placing the repulsors into the armor and he noticed Steve didn’t leave.  “Steve, please just leave me be.” But he didn’t want him to go.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I really didn’t plan to do this any time soon but I think it is the time.” Steve looked troubled. What was wrong?

“What is it?”

“I need to tell you something and I am sorry I have to do this.”

Tony was left with his mouth wide open when he heard the words coming out of Steve’s mouth.

***

Steve couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about Tony and what he was doing. He got up and made himself a cup of coffee. After he drank it, he went to Tony’s room but he was not there. Steve was sure he was working in his lab. He always did that when he was not in a good state, He guessed it was his way of forgetting. He went downstairs, it was 2 a.m. and Tony had to get some sleep. It did not make sense when Steve was also awake but, whatever. He saw him working on a new armor, it looked advanced. Steve lean against the wall and watched him. Tony was so concentrated that he did not notice Steve was in the room.

 Steve watched him and studied every detail of him till he realized it was now 4 a.m. and Tony was still in the same position, not lifting his head for once and noticing Steve.

 Steve thought he was beautiful, every detail of him. They were friends since Steve first came out of the ice and Tony was his first friend ever since, the one who helped him live in this world he knew nothing about.  They’ve been friends for a very long time and Steve didn’t even remember when he fell in love with him. He shouldn’t be surprised that he did though; Tony was perfect in every aspect. At first, he couldn’t understand why he felt that way because he wasn’t used to feelings like those and he thought it was just a phase. It wasn’t, obviously.

What if he loses him? What if something happens and Steve loses Tony? He did not want to think about that but he couldn’t help it. He wouldn’t be able to live. How long will he go on without telling him that he loves him? He did not want to end up like Erik and Charles. He did not want to look at him 20 years from now and see a stranger that he still loves but can’t do anything about it. He kept his feelings for himself for many years but what good it did? Nothing. Just hurt and heartbreaks.

 The image of Tony getting shot appeared before his eyes and he flinched. What if he died? Steve would never get the chance to reveal his true feelings.

 “You need to get sleep.” Steve suddenly said.

“I told you Jarvis I- _Steve_? How long you’ve been here?” He asked.

“Enough to know that you should get some sleep.”

“ _I will not.”_ Tony said sarcastically as he put the last repulsor on his armor. “Steve, please just leave me be.” He would not. He made his mind and didn’t care about the rest. Maybe he would fuck their relationship up? But he had to. He just had to before it was too late.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I really didn’t plan to do this any time soon but I think it is the time.” Steve said uncomfortably.

“What is it?”

“I need to tell you something and I am sorry I have to do this.” Steve stopped and looked Tony in the eye, his heart racing. Steve held his breath.

“I am in love with you, Tony.”

Steve did not wait for the response because he was afraid and left the room under Tony’s shocked looks.


	9. Read My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony can't say the l word.

Okay, Tony was pretty sure he was having a dream. A very beautiful dream. The one he would be devastated if he ever had to wake up from it. And he knew he would. He had thousands of dreams like this, but this one felt so fucking real and it hurt. Well, he was starting to believe it because it’s been two days since Steve said he loved him. But how could it be true? Tony did not believe it. How someone like Steve, Captain fucking America, could be in love with Tony? Tony was a mess, he was annoying, arrogant and people did not even like him let alone someone perfect like Steve. Was this some kind of a trick? Steve was not like that. Tony was all tingly inside but he still couldn’t believe. It had to be something else.

   And there was a problem. Steve did not come home since he—did the thing. Tony thought Steve felt guilty for saying it, maybe he realized he did not love Tony and he did not want to see him again. That thought made Tony feel like shit. Anyway, what would Tony say if Steve just showed up? That he loved him back? He did not know he could that. It was too much for him. But he still wanted to see Steve. Where was he? Maybe he was over-analyzing things. Maybe he was on a mission or something. Should he call him? Captain America usually did not use his phone, whatever.

“Jarvis, you have any data from Steve?” He remembered to ask Jarvis, he knew everything.

“Mr. Rogers asked me to hide this information from you, sir.”

“Seriously? Hello, Jarvis? I made you and all, you know? Talk about betrayal.” Tony muttered as he entered his room and start getting dressed.

“You upgraded me years ago to respond to the Avengers, sir.” Jarvis said.

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got a big mouth. I will just find him then.  Shouldn’t be very hard, right? Where could he be? Hmm… he should hide … ruins of the old Avengers Mansion? I don’t think so…” Tony pondered for a little while and for the first time in his life, he didn’t have an idea.

“I suggest you think about the places that Mr. Rogers has a memory with you.” Jarvis suggested.

“Jarvis! Have you been eavesdropping?”  Tony said, noticing he did not make any sense.

“I’ve been programmed to hear everything, sir.”

“Right. I did that.” Tony sighed as he left for the door. “I have a few places in mind. Thanks, Jarvis.” And he left the tower.

He thought of the places Steve could have gone; the part of the North Atlantic Ocean where they found him and fought Namor. Maybe he visited Namor? That was unlikely since it was very far away from New York. Okay, he had no idea where he was. He couldn’t think of anything. Only if he could just mentally connect to Steve, but he wasn’t Charles Xavier.

Charles Xavier. He had to go see him. He was sure Professor X had more important things to than finding Steve because Tony needed to see him but he really had to. He would just say that they need him for the underground movement or something. Professor X probably knew they were in kind of a truce with SHIELD but whatever.  Charles would have understood.

Tony used his car to drive to Xavier Institute for Higher Learning because the armor would obviously get him caught. When he arrived, he saw kids practicing in the beautiful garden of the school. Charles Xavier was probably the best man he ever knew, he did all to protect his kind and he did it without causing any violence unlike his friend Magneto. Tony couldn’t blame Magneto; he would probably have done the same thing if his kind was being treated that way. And actually he kind of was in the Civil War before he realized he was being wrong. He wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Steve. He really had to find him.

“Welcome to our school, Tony.” He heard Charles’ voice but couldn’t see him. Oh. Right. Telepathy. He mentally thanked him, that sounds weird, he thought- Charles agreed.

He went upstairs to his office, he was sitting on his chair, and not his wheelchair- he did not need it anymore.

“I am happy to see you, Tony. Something happened?” He asked worriedly because usually Tony did not come to this place since Avengers were not welcomed by some of the X-Men. Charles was really kind though.

“As a matter of fact, yes. I can’t find Cap anywhere. I really mis- am worried about him.” Tony mentally slapped himself for almost saying that he missed him. Well, Charles could read his thoughts so probably it wasn’t exactly a secret to him that he loved Steve but he didn’t want to blurt it out. God, he hated mind reading. But he could really use it for finding Steve.

“Iron Man, relax. It’s okay.” Charles assured him emphatically. Tony sighed and sat down.

“I’m sorry. I-just have a lot on my mind right now.”

“I can see that.”

“Obviously.” Tony grinned.

“Of course I can locate him, do not worry.” He smiled. He then picked up the phone and dialed some number. “Hank, can you prepare the Cerebro for me?” He nodded and hung up. “Do you want something to drink while we wait?” Tony shook his head as to say no, he wasn’t in a position to drink or eat anything.

To get his mind off Steve, he asked “Where’s Erik?” Charles’ smile faded a little.

“I don’t know. He left for Madripoor like a couple of days ago. Or he said he was.” He looked sad while he talked about him.

“Are you two okay?” Tony asked, he knew both cared about each other even though they were arch enemies once, they were also best friends.

“When were we ever?” He smiled sadly. “But let’s not talk about this matter. It’s late to save our…our friendship. Yours is younger.” He tried to look happy, terribly failing. There was something wrong but Tony didn’t want to insist and make him sadder.

“I think the Cerebro is ready. Come on.” They got up and Tony watched Professor X as he got into the room. “You can come in too.” Charles said but Tony didn’t want to.

“No, you go ahead.” Charles did.

He waited there, trying to be patient. He knew it was not easy to locate Captain fucking America.

“Tony?”

“Oh. Scott.” Scott was standing there, staring at Tony like he wanted him to vanish. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, not in a very nice way. Of course, he was Cyclops.

“Um- I asked Professor X to help me locate Steve.” He said uncomfortably. He knew Scott had nothing against him; he was like this towards everyone. He suspected everything and everyone. He had some serious trust issues. Well, Tony was the one to talk about trust issues.

“Charles has more important things to do than to find your boyfriend, don’t you think?” He said half-jokingly.

“Wha-what?” Tony cursed himself for stuttering.

“Relax, I am joking.” Scott joking? Well, that was new.

“Okay.” Tony coughed to avoid the awkwardness.

Then Charles walked out of the room. Tony looked at him excitedly.

“I found him.” He said. “He is in Madripoor.”

“What? With Magneto?”

“I am not sure. Magneto has his helmet on. But I would say it is highly likely.” Charles said.

“That’s weird.” Tony muttered. Why would he be in the Madripoor Island with Magneto? Madripoor was a messed up place ruled by Madame Hydra. He had to get to Madripoor and find Steve to learn what he was up to.

“You shouldn’t. It is dangerous.”

“I have to, Charles.” Charles sighed.

“Then we should go together, maybe I could be of any help. Scott and Emma can look after the kids.”

“You don’t have to. This is my problem.”

“No, Erik is probably there also. He is in my team, I have responsibility over him.” Charles stated and Tony nodded.

***

“You will never succeed Viper. We will not let you.” Steve hissed as he tried to unstrap himself.

“That’s a lot coming from a man who is my prisoner.” Viper smirked.

“You know you will fail, Viper.” Erik said, still trying to activate his metal manipulating powers but Viper’s poison had blocked all his powers and strength.

“Don’t be absurd. I might be dying but I am still alive. And will be forever, when I extract the healing factor off of Logan, my lovely ex-husband.” She smiled delightedly.

“That will never happen. Wolverine would kill himself before he lets you get that kind of a force.” Steve said.

“Oh, but love, you underestimate my powers. I have Wolverine in a cage now, where he belongs.” She swung his green hair and sighed like she pitied them.

 “How good friends you are, coming all way to _my_ island to rescue your friend. I’m sure Logan would appreciate it. You know, if he were to live more than maximum two hours.” She winked and laughed. Steve was getting annoyed at this woman. They had to save Wolverine from this mad island. Magneto offered Steve to go on a mission with him to get his mind off Tony and Steve jumped on the case right away. Also Logan was a friend and a good man; he had to be saved from this crazy woman. Steve couldn’t believe Logan and Viper were married once. Weird.

 “I don’t think so, Madame Hydra.” Steve looked at the direction the voice was coming from. It was Charles Xavier.

“Charles!” Erik hissed as he tried to break loose. “You shouldn’t be here.” Steve remembered what Magneto said to him. How he felt protective of Charles. He felt the same about Tony. He would be really mad if Tony were to come he-

“How about this, Viper?” he heard Tony. Fuck. Why was Tony so interested in getting himself hurt? Tony was wearing his armor, so it was good but he was still worried. And he was strapped to this fucking wall so he couldn’t help if something were to happen to him. While Tony was fighting Viper, Charles was trying to get her mind under his control but it seemed like it was not working. Erik was desperately trying to get rid of the straps and he looked furious. Steve felt like their relationship reflected Tony and his relationship.

 “Stop trying to get into my mind!” Viper shouted, she looked very angry. She stopped paying attention to Tony and headed for Charles. Charles was helpless unless he could control her mind and it was all quick so Tony couldn’t stop Viper before she let out her enormous tongue towards Charles, she was going crazy.

“No!” Erik cried out as he violently unstrapped himself from the wall, somehow gaining his powers back and sending big metal pieces towards Madame Hydra. She rolled onto the ground, losing consciousness.

“What the hell are you two doing here? Don’t you have any sense in you?” Erik said angrily.

“You are in my team, Erik. And Steve is in Tony’s. We thought something was wrong and it apparently was.” Charles explained calmly. Steve realized he never saw Charles angry. They just looked at each other in the eyes for a minute. Charles daring and calm, Erik breathing heavily and furious. The tension between them growing. Then Erik turned and came to unstrap Steve.

 “Tony, are you hurt?” Steve asked, looking over to him.

“No, I’m fine.” He took off his helmet. He looked at Steve as though he wanted to say something.

After they locked up Viper in X-Men’s jet, they went to save Logan. He looked messed up, he was there for a long time but he was alive and his healing factor was still functioning perfectly.

 Then they entered the jet with Logan, everybody silent expect Wolverine who was moaning from pain. They laid him on the ben in the small room of the jet.

“Charles, can we talk?” Erik asked, he now looked much calmer. Charles nodded and they went into another room. Steve hoped they would figure out some things. He didn’t think it was too late for them. Not yet. He realized now they were alone with Tony and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He did not regret his decision to tell Tony he loved him, not even once but it didn’t mean he could look Tony in the eye easily. So he kept looking at the ground.

“You are a dick.” Tony said.

Steve looked at him surprised. “What?”

“You are a dick.”

“Um. Okay.” He said. “Why?”

“For saying something like that.” Tony said, Steve felt his heart sink. “And leaving right after it.” Steve relaxed, so Tony was not mad at this confession. He was mad that he left.

“Um, I just- needed time.”

“I understand that but at least you could give me the chance to reply.” Tony said. “I- I..”

“You what?” Steve asked, looking at him hopefully.

“I-

***

_“Don’t worry dad, I love you.” Tony held his father, only to be pushed back._

_His mother left his father again and he was drinking. Tony felt really bad about this, he tried to comfort him but Howard did not let him._

_“Go to your room.” Howard said harshly. Tony did as he was told._

_\-----------------_

_Tony watched his mother as she was lying in bed, sobbing. He went near her; he did not want her to cry._

_“Mommy, I love you.” He said to stop her from crying._

_“Leave me alone, Tony. Go play with your new toys.” Tony obeyed._

_\-------------------_

_“We’re getting a divorce. You must know that this is not about you, son.”_

_Tony cried. He didn’t want his parents to be separated. They wouldn’t leave him if they loved him. He tried one more time._

_“I love you,” he said to both of them._

_He never got a reply. He never did. Not once._

“I-” Tony tried once again but he couldn’t. He never told anyone he loved them in years. He couldn’t do it. He wanted to but the words weren’t coming out of his mouth.

He thought about all the times he told his parents he loved and their response. He was afraid. He was messed up. He was too weak for this. He trusted Steve but he did no trust himself. He was a ruiner, his parents and his friends hated him. He hurt them. He destroyed everything. He made a lot of mistakes. He couldn’t hurt Steve. What if he hurt Steve? It would be irreversible if he said he loved him. He couldn’t. There were no words. Tony wished Steve could just read his thoughts. He just stopped and stared at Steve who was looking him with a hurt expression. He already hurt him. Tony hated himself.

“I guess I got my reply.” Steve said in a low voice. “I did not expect a different reply anyway.” He added, leaving the main room. Tony sat down and took his hand between his hands, thinking how he managed to fuck up everything beautiful in his life.


	10. Chaos Over?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony keeps annoying Steve.

   “I know it is almost possible but we cannot go on living live this and fighting friends. I can’t let someone get hurt again like Tony did.” Steve pointed out to Spiderman, Deadpool and Luke Cage. “This has to come to an end. I think the death of Bill Foster, however sad it was, can be used as a counter argument. Creating clones of super humans, gods for that matter, is against the law. We have advantage, they did a lot of against-the law stuff to prove themselves right. They also kidnapped and almost kill Tony.” Steve added, grimacing to the memory of this. “I have arranged a trial in the court, there will be no fight. This will be a very private trial, not public knowledge. Tony will be our representative, he knows the way they think and he’s been preparing for this the last couple of months.”

 They all nodded and after Steve disturbed them their files on their next mission, they left the Tower. Trial was today and Steve hoped they would get somewhere, only Tony could succeed it. Not that Steve really saw him this last three months; they just awkwardly walked past by each other when they encountered which was often since they lived in the same place. Steve started to sleep on the upper floor to avoid these awkward encounters. For all he knew, Tony was working day and night for this trial and he was getting somewhere. He’s been going to court for months and there was progress. He believed in him and their cause.

 Steve still did not regret his confession, he was not angry at Tony. He never expected him to say that he loved Steve or anything. Maybe he hoped but he always knew this would never happen. At least, Tony knew the truth now. Steve wanted to talk to him again but it seemed impossible because Tony was so busy and it would do no good to talk to him. Steve knew that they could never really be like they used to and he could not say that it did not bother him. He was kind of fed up with sneaking into Tony’s room while he was sleeping or studying to make sure he was okay. Of course he was okay.

  Steve wore his suit. He was going to give a statement also. They have to go, now. He went to Tony’s room, realizing they will have to speak to each other now.

He opened the door to Tony’s room, seeing his naked back and immediately turning back. He coughed. “Uhm Tony. We have to get going.”

Tony did not seem to mind he saw him half-naked. Why would he? It’s not like he didn’t see him like this before but Steve kinda thought that it would make Tony feel uncomfortable after his confession. Well, apparently it wasn’t like that. Tony wore his suit and had trouble tying his tie.

“I save planets and I can’t even tie my tie.” He murmured. Steve chuckled at his struggle with his tie.

“Let me.” Steve said, fixing Tony’s tie. It was weird.

“Well, this is weird.” Tony said after a few seconds.

“Thanks for pointing that out.” Steve rolled his eyes. He recognized how Tony acted as if nothing happened and how he seemed to be okay with it. Steve found that some kind of disturbing. He expected some kind of reaction but there seem to be none. Maybe it was the heavy responsibility he had for months. Maybe when this was all over, he would react. Steve didn’t care how he reacted; he just wanted him to show an emotion. Anger, hate, something…Any of them would have done it.

“Let’s go.” Tony shrugged. Steve nodded and they left for the court.

***

“What happened?! How did it go? What’s the result?!” Peter rushed to Tony as he came out of the court. Steve and he were waiting outside, all dressed in suits for their statements which they gave earlier.

“Calm down, Peter. Let him breath.” Steve said but he looked just as excited as Peter.

“Superhuman Registration Act is repealed.” Tony said, grinning.

“What? Are you serious? Please don’t be joking. Please.” Peter looked like he was about to faint. Tony enjoyed their nervous state.

“It is over guys, superheroes can now return to their prior activities.” Peter jumped on Tony with this, hugging the shit out of him.

“Yes!” Steve shouted, almost tearing up from the happiness he was feeling. Tony laughed.

“No more deaths. It is all over.” Tony repeated like he still could not believe what he had accomplished. He threatened them a little and left them no other choice. Sure, there would be other problems in the future and other acts but Civil War was over now.

“Does that mean we can move back to the Avengers Mansion now?” Peter asked, his eyes wide with hope.

“I think it does.” Steve said, looking at Tony.

Tony nodded. “Yes, yes. We should inform the other Avengers.”

With that, they jumped on Tony’s car and headed for the Mansion. Tony was driving and Steve sat on the passenger seat. Peter was on the back, constantly muttering things about ‘freedom’ and how he was happy and how Aunt May would be happy when he told her.  Tony was occasionally throwing glances at Steve and he would catch him smile at nothing from time to time. He guessed it was the pride of victory, at least one of them was happy.  Tony was of course glad they got through this but he could never forgive himself for the things he has done before he joined the anti-registration. Deaths. Tortures. He didn’t even want to think about them. But at least it was all over.

 Then again, there was Steve. He had no idea how to act around him so he just decided to look like he didn’t care. He knew Steve would just let go of him after a couple of months. Every person in his life did. Not that he didn’t trust Steve, he trusted him with his life. It was just that he seemed to destroy everything he ever loved. And he really, really didn’t want to ruin Steve. He loved him too much to do that. So he just stayed away from him, distracted himself with work and alcohol.

 He knew it was probably not to best way to get Steve to hate himself when he got drunk and partied all the time but it was probably the easiest. Steve always disliked Tony’s these habits and if Tony could just show him that he was an arrogant, careless prick; Steve would understand he was wrong about his love for Tony. Tony didn’t even believe Steve really loved him, he was probably confused or something. Even his own parents didn’t love Tony. Pepper didn’t love him, she married Happy. Nobody ever really loved him. And Tony was okay with it, really. It was just that when Steve told Tony he was in love with him, he knew he couldn’t say the words back even if they were true. Steve would come to his senses once he realized Tony did not worth loving.

 “Tony? What’s wrong?” Steve asked as Tony drifted away from his thoughts.

“Oh, nothing.” He shrugged. “Just thinking about the party I’m gonna throw today.”  He smirked. Tony did one thing well, and that was to convince people that he was actually an emotionless bastard.

“This is the first day the Civil War ended and you are going to throw a party?” Steve asked as he frowned.

“A billionaire should spend the money he earns on useful things, don’t you think?” Tony said and wore his sunglasses, turning up the radio and to full volume. He was being a dick. Good.

Steve stayed silent.

***

Steve watched Tony as he popped up a champagne bottle. Tony was acting so not himself. Or so himself. Steve couldn’t decide. If it was some kind of attempt to make Steve not love Tony or something, it was not going to work. He didn’t think Tony would go that far as to make Steve fall out of love with him. But again, it was Tony. But why would he try that? Unless it bothered him.

He was really happy and proud that they won the Civil War, if you call that a win, of course. He looked at his friends and felt really good about that. All Avengers, under one roof. Their good old Avengers Mansion. They could now freely continue their lives in their home and save the day like they used to. He just wished Tony would be happy too, it was obvious that he was trying to hide something. Steve just didn’t know what.

“So what’s the next mission, Cap?” Hawkeye asked.  He looked like he had enough of Wade’s jokes and Peter’s cracking ups. Steve actually had no idea why Deadpool was here. Whatever.

“Come on, Katniss. Take a break! I’m throwing a party tonight at the party! And no, Logan, there will be no security pass so you don’t have to worry about the adamantium.” Tony said, everybody laughing at his comment.

“In the Tower?” Natasha asked.

“Yes and dress nice. Or come naked. I don’t want you wandering around my party with your weird costumes.”

“You’re one to talk _Iron Man_ ; I don’t think nobody here loves their costume as much as you do.” Wanda said.

“Yeah, whatever.” They laughed it off and everybody continued chatting and drinking. It was a happy moment.

 After an hour with the Avengers, Steve went to his room. Jarvis arranged all Avengers’ stuff to be brought back to the Mansion so they didn’t have to do that which was really great since he was really tired. Tony’s room was the next door, so he heard him also going into his room. He really didn’t want to go to this party but he had to make sure Tony didn’t drink too much. Because he would.

After one hour of sleep, he started dress up. He wasn’t exactly sure what to wear so he just wore the suit he wore earlier. He went to look for Tony but he was out. Of course, it was his party, he was probably making arrangements. Steve didn’t really want to leave him alone so he decided to go to the Tower and offer his help.

When he arrived, Jarvis said that Tony was in his lab. He went to the lab and saw Tony working on a new prototype.

“It’s your party night.” Steve stated, not really directing a question.

“Well, a billionaire should-”

“You said this before.” Steve said.

“What?”

“You used this excuse before with the same words. I quote ‘A billionaire should spend the money he earns on useful things’.” Steve didn’t mean to sound harsh but it just came out like that.

“Yeah, whatever. Everything is ready, so I decided I could work.” Tony said, yawning. There was something really off with him, Steve could tell.

“Tony-what is wrong?” Steve asked.

“Come on, Cap. What is wrong with _you_? I am fine.” Tony said but did not look Steve in the eye.

 

Steve went near him and sat on the chair in front him.

“Look, I don’t need some kind of a pitying attempt for you to make me feel good. I am fine. I was always like this. Nothing changed.” Tony said, still not making eye contact.

“No. I do not believe that. And how can you say that it is a pitying attempt? You seem to forget what I told you earlier.” Steve was surprised how he was being this honest.

Tony stayed silent for a minute before saying, “Yeah, it is just my charm you know. I’m sure it will pass. Nothing unusual.” Steve just stared at him blankly. Before he could say something, Tony got up and left with his prototype.  Steve stayed there for a few minutes to process what Tony had said. He did not believe him or he pretended like he didn’t. How could he not? He thought he made it obviously clear. He was really furious that Tony did not take his feelings seriously. And Steve was rarely furious.

When the time came for the party, he headed for the special room Tony got made for his parties. There were already dozens of people, all dressed in expensive suits and praising Tony for giving this wonderful party. Ugh.  Tony looked as usual, blank eyes, but laughing and joking around and of course, drinking. He got back to his drinking habit and this really bothered Steve.

He decided to just leave Tony alone because Steve was angry. He was.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Bruce. How are you?” He said as he saw Bruce Banner approaching.

“I am fine but you look down.” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s Tony. He is drinking again.”

“Something is troubling him.” Bruce said, he looked at Steve as to imply something. Steve ignored it.

“Do you want a drink? I’m going to get one.”

“No, thanks.” Steve said, Bruce left.

Steve was asked by Luke, Peter and Wade to go dance with them but he refused. He was not in the mood. He just stood there and watched Tony flirting with everyone. It pissed the hell out of him. He really didn’t want to get out of control but Tony was pushing him. First he said it was not an ‘unusual’ think for Steve to feel attraction towards him and it will pass; now he was flirting with literally everyone. And it was Tony, so everybody was flirting back.

Steve started walking fast towards Tony and some guy who was holding Tony by the shoulders and whispering something, standing very close to him.

“Oh, you are absolutely right, Carl, I-”

“Can we talk?” Steve asked harshly.

“Oh, hi, Cap, I was just telling Carl about the-” Steve took the man’s hand and made him stop touching Tony like that. Tony watched him, confused. He was obviously drunk.

“We need to talk.” Steve started walking towards the exit.

“Okay…” Tony said, following Steve.

Steve went into the other room in the floor which was usually used as a pantry.

“So…are we gonna kiss or what?” Tony joked.

“Not funny. What the hell are you doing, Tony?”

“Partying, what else? And right now, I am being held captive by an extremely boring old man.” He said, laughing. He couldn’t even stand straight.

“Just tell me. You are off, I know it. Maybe I can help.”

“Help? Please. I don’t need help. I am Tony fucking Stark. Even if I did, why would you help me? I mean, why would anyone help me? I am no good to anyone. I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about anything.” Tony was just bubbling now, he was really drunk.

“What about me?” Steve asked. Tony opened his mouth for a couple of times to say something but he didn’t. “No.” he said eventually.

“I don’t believe that. You can’t deceive me. I know you too well.”

“You don’t. You don’t know what a mess I am. You don’t understand. And you just- you just-”

“I just what?”

“You just come with all your pride and tell me that you like me.” Tony looked down.

“Love you.” Steve corrected. “I said I loved you.”

“Yeah, whatever, you said you…yeah you did say that.” Tony mumbled, more to himself than Steve.

“I don’t want you hurting yourself like this. You can cast me out, but don’t do it to yourself.” Steve said.

“It is not easy for me. Steve, you don’ love me. You don’t.  Even my parents didn’t love me enough. I don’t deserve your love.” Tony confessed. Steve was not sure if he would remember these things once he was sober but he was sure that Tony meant those things.

“How can you say that? I’m not some 16 year old boy, Tony. I know what I feel or want.”

“And what do you want? Be with a fucked up like me? I don’t think anyone would want that. Even I don’t.”

“It’s not your fault that you parents were shit, Tony. Stop thinking that they left because something was wrong with you.” Tony was shocked because Steve didn’t usually talk about Howard like that; they were friends in the past. “Don’t look at me like that. I knew Howard; he was a great scientist and a friend. But he was not a great father. It is not your fault.”

“I think we should go back to the party.” Tony said uncomfortably. Steve knew he didn’t like to talk about his father.

Steve sighed.

“Okay.”

So they went in, Tony continued his flirting and Steve kept fighting himself whether or not he should kill Carl.

 


	11. “I don't have to tell you I love you. I fed you pancakes.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve is a smooth fucker.

**_Tony Stark Has a New Lover?_ **

_The owner of Stark Industries, billionaire Tony Stark aka Iron Man of the Avengers was seen with a mysterious woman leaving Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. Known with his famous parties and his nightlife, Tony Stark was not seen with anyone for months. Now it seems he has a new lover, Tony Stark is back on the field!_

  Steve put _the Daily Bugle_ harshly on the kitchen table. He fucking saves planets and sacrifices himself for the people all the time and he was “known for his parties”? That wasn’t fair. Steve didn’t actually know if he was angry because of the depiction of Tony in the paper or the fact that Tony was away in Vegas with someone for days. Probably both. He really wanted to go to Vegas and drag Tony back to New York. And he would. But he knew that Tony somehow needed time, he has been through a lot and Steve just made things worse for him.

  He called him several times but Tony never picked up and did not call Steve back. This really bothered Steve but he didn’t know what to do. There were no problems in New York recently but Iron Man would be needed here soon. Who was he kidding, _he_ needed Tony.

   “You look upset.” Steve almost toppled his cup of tea when he heard her voice.

 “ _Sharon_?” He said, surprised. Sharon Carter was leaning against the wall, wearing her SHIELD uniform. “How did you get in here?”

“Wanda let me in. Don’t be alarmed like I am you enemy.”

“No, I am sorry. Of course you are not. I just- didn’t see you for a long time.” Steve said.  Sharon looked prettier than ever. Well, she was always beautiful.

“I missed you too.” Sharon smirked.

“I didn’t know you were still working for SHIELD.” Steve said, he knew Sharon and she would never agree to something like the registration act.

“I quitted during Civil War. Joined back when they came to their senses.” She stated, Steve looked relieved.

“So…I assume you are not here just because you missed me?” Steve raised his eyebrows. Sharon and he dated briefly years ago and it was good. Steve was just starting to develop feelings for Tony and that was why he broke up with Sharon. But he really liked her, he always did.

“Well… I came to tell you something.”

“Sharon…we made it very clear that we will not work for-”

“It is not a mission. It is Thor.” Sharon said sharply.

“Thor is dead.” Steve said, recalling the memories with his old friend.

“We thought so. But we are getting vital signs from him.” Sharon said.

“…are you sure?” Steve sat down; this was a lot to take in. He was just starting to get used to the absence of his friend.

“We are. Unless someone possessed the power of Thor, which is highly unlikely.”

“How do we find him? Where is he?”

“That we don’t know. He is so powerful so his signs is scattered all over America. It keeps changing.”

“What do you need from us?” Steve asked, he really wanted to find their friend.

“Nothing you can do. I was hoping maybe Tony would be able to find a way to contact him.”

“Oh. Okay. I will try to let him know.” Steve now had to get him back to New York. How could he do that while Tony was being a prick and not picking up his phone?

“Don’t worry. We will find him.” Sharon smiled warmly. Then she headed for the door.

“Hey, Sharon.” Steve called behind her. “Can I buy you lunch?” Steve didn’t think this through but he just didn’t want to be alone at the moment.

“Sure.” She smirked.

 ----------------------------

 “Yeah, I remember that! You were so cute!” Sharon giggled. It’s been over two hours since they sat in the restaurant, talking about their memories. It was fun and Steve really missed Sharon. She was a good friend.

“We should do this more often, Steve.” She said, reaching for his hand. Well, that was sudden. Steve didn’t know what to do. Steve should be honest with her, he dated her once when he was in love with Tony, and he couldn’t do it to her again.

“Sharon I-”

“You love someone else, I know who it is.” Sharon said.

“Oh. Okay. How?” Steve didn’t actually think she knew it was Tony.

“When we were dating… you kept repeating his name while sleeping almost every night, Steve.” Steve didn’t know he did that.

“Oh…I am sorry.” Steve couldn’t understand why she even talked to him if she knew it.

“I am not angry. I understand. I would like to try again, though.” Steve looked at her, surprised.

“Why?”

“I also love someone but don’t have a chance with them. Maybe we could help each other get over them.” Sharon said. This was the worst and most cliché idea Steve ever heard.

“I am not sure that will work.” Steve said. It seemed like an absurd idea that he would be able to forget Tony. “But I would like to be friends. Again, what is the difference? We would be seeing each other.”

“I would like that.” Sharon smiled. After lunch, they went to the Central Park and enjoyed the beauty of the nice weather.

When Steve returned to the Mansion, he tried calling Tony again, not getting a response as expected. This was so careless of Tony. It was his duty as an Avenger to respond to his team leader’s calls. New York could be in danger, something could come up.

Now he had to go all the way to Las Vegas to find him. He had no idea where he was. He really wished he planted a GPS device on him or something. He called Sharon to go with him and she agreed, so they took one of SHILED’s jets.

When they arrived, Steve had no idea how to find Tony in the madness of Vegas. It was night and it was Vegas. It was impossible. Should he call Xavier to telepathically locate him? No, that would be odd.

“He is in the place called Ghostbar.” Sharon said as she looked at the tablet on her hand.

“How do you even know that?”

“Um, they…have a GPS device planted in him. He doesn’t know it.” Sharon said, hesitating.

“ _In_ him?” Steve said angrily. He would be really furious but now it was use to them so he decided to save it for later.

Sharon phoned someone, probably from SHIELD’s base in Vegas, and called for a car. When it arrived, they got in and headed for this Ghostbar place. Steve didn’t like the sound of that name.

They went to the bar. It was very crowded. He followed Sharon upstairs as she knocked on a door. It was a hotel room.

“Sharon…I’m not sure I want to see this.” Steve said, remembering the last time he saw Tony in an inappropriate situation.

“Don’t worry; there is no one with him which is weird.” Sharon shrugged.

“I don’t want any room service.” Tony said from inside, his voice cracking.

“Tony, it is me.” Steve said, wondering what was wrong with him.

Tony stayed silent for a minute then there was some shattering and breaking voices from inside.

“Tony?!” Steve called worriedly, ready to break the door. But Tony opened it.

“Cap? What the hell are you doing here? Who is this?” Tony said, he was barely able to stand. Steve held his arm to help him stand. He was drunk than ever, as if it was even possible. And he was alone.

“You know her? Sharon Carter?” He didn’t even remember her, he was that drunk.

“Oh, yes, yes, your girlfriend.” Tony said sharply, looking at her like he could cut her into pieces. As much as Steve would like to think Tony was jealous, he knew he was too drunk to even process his reactions.

“Ex-girlfriend.” Sharon corrected him.

Steve glanced inside; it looked like there was a war in here. Everything was shattered on the floor. Mirror was broke, and there was blood on it. Steve looked at Tony’s hand, it was wrapped unsuccessfully.  He grabbed his hand.

“What the hell? What is that? What do you think you are doing?” Steve yelled at him. He was not going to take it anymore. “That’s it. You are not leaving my supervision from this moment. Sharon, you handle the checking out process. I will meet you in the car.” He said sharply, dragging Tony with him.  The car was behind the building so they wouldn’t be seen to people.

Tony mumbled something.

“What?”

“You are hurting my arm.” Tony repeated.

Steve didn’t say anything, he was angry. Tony couldn’t even walk, so Steve just threw him on his shoulders. Tony was muscular and heavy but Steve was a super human, so it was nothing to him.

“I am not a kid.” Tony struggled.

“Oh, really? It doesn’t seem that way.”

“Seriously, Steve, put me down.”

Steve ignored him, trying to find a way out of the hotel without anyone seeing them. When they were finally out, Steve put Tony on the back seat, noticing he was asleep now. He sat beside him. He was mumbling things that Steve couldn’t understand.

“…can’t say it.” Steve heard Tony say. He was really curious what that was about.

“Can’t say what?” Steve asked, even he was asleep; Steve knew sometimes Tony responded to questions in his sleep.

“The word. Can’t say the word.” He mumbled.

“What word?” Steve was confused.

“The word-that word. Love.” With that, he completely fell asleep.

That was…Steve didn’t know what to think of this. He can’t say the world ‘love’? What did that even mean? Steve didn’t have time to think about this because Sharon came and they headed for the airport.

***

Tony woke up with a terrible head ache. He was in his room and Steve was asleep on the couch? Last thing he remembered was breakdown he had in the hotel room. Well, he had them a lot last couple of days. Steve was probably there through the night, which made Tony feel guilty because that couch looked so uncomfortable to sleep on.

Tony had to take a shower. He was stinking of alcohol.

After the shower, he wore a black t-shirt and jeans, Steve was still sleeping. Tony probably tired him a lot. Great. He probably owed him a good breakfast. Steve was usually the cooking one, and he always cooked for Tony. Tony hoped he wouldn’t end up setting up the mansion on fire.

He stated to make the only thing he knew how to. Pancakes. Tony really loved pancakes because it was the only thing that reminded him of his mother. One day, they made pancakes with her and it was probably the only thing they ever did together. Usually, Tony ate fancy breakfasts made by paid servants when he was little and he didn’t like that. His mother rarely showed any interest in him, his father never did, and pancakes were a reminder of that.

“Shit!” he hissed when he burned his hand. He started to shake his finger, jumping with pain. “Shit. Fuck.” He saw Steve standing by the door when he was turning around.

“Oh, Cap.” He tried to hide his pain, tried to look like he was doing fine with the pancakes. Steve was smiling warmly. “Um, I was making you pancakes.” Tony stated the obvious.

“That’s unusual. You need any help with that?” Steve pointed at the pancakes. Tony turned around and saw that the one of them was black. “Shit!” he exclaimed, taking it and throwing it into the garbage. Great, he wanted to make something for Steve in exchange of everything he did for Tony and now he was ruining it. He quickly put the unburnt pancakes to the plate; fortunately there were enough for them to eat.

Tony sighed and lowered his head in embarrassment. He sucked at everything.

 “I’m sorry.” Tony said in a low voice.

Tony didn’t even know how it happened but suddenly he was in Steve’s arms. Tony didn’t know how to react to that, Steve just suddenly hugged him for no reason. Tony just stood in there before hugging him back.

“Don’t, ever, hurt yourself like that.” Steve said, breaking the embrace. Tony didn’t want Steve’s arms to leave him but it could be very weird if he tried to hold on to them.

“It was an accident.” Tony lied. Coughing and setting up the table.

“Tony.” Steve warned.

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Tony said. “Let’s eat our pancakes. I also made coffee. You like it without sugar, right?” Steve nodded and sat down.

“So…how did I get here?” Tony asked.

“I had to carry you.” Steve said.

“Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.”

They ate their pancakes, not talking.

After couple of minutes, Tony looked at Steve and it looked like he wanted to say something.

“Steve, what is it?”

“You…you said something in your sleep.” Steve said.

Tony almost choked on his drink.

“What- what did I say?” He tried to look calm.

“You said that you can’t say the word love.”

“Well, that’s ridiculous. It’s just a word, right?” Tony laughed, trying to avoid the subject. He was an idiot.

“Say it.”

“Cap, come on…”

“Tony.”

“Love! Love, alright?” Tony said, not looking Steve in the eye. Why was he doing this?

“Look at me in the eye and say it.” What was he thinking? Tony was trying to get over him and now he was asking him to say the word.

“No.” Tony said. “No.”

“Why?”

“I can’t.” Tony admitted. “I can’t do it.”

“Captain Rogers, you have a visitor.” Jarvis said.

“Who is it?” Steve said, not breaking the eye contact. Tony was glad they had a visitor, at least till she walked into the kitchen.

“Sharon.” Tony said formally.

“Hi, Tony. Um, are you better?” Tony raised his eyebrows, how did _she_ know?

“You probably don’t remember. I was with Steve last night when you were- well, drunk.”

“Oh.” Tony said, faking smile. He liked Sharon, he just didn’t like that she used to date Steve.

“So, Steve, I bought two tickets to the movies. You promised, remember?” Sharon grinned. Steve looked oblivious.

“Yes. Tonight?” He smiled to her, Tony was jealous. Were they dating again? Steve wouldn’t just say he loved Tony and date someone else, would he? Maybe he gave up on him? Well, it was what Tony wanted, wasn’t it?

“Tony?” Sharon asked.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, would you like to come with us?” Sharon repeated.

“Oh, I wouldn’t like to ruin your _date_.” This came out harsher that he intended. Steve threw him questioning looks.

“Um, right. Meet you at 8, Steven.” _Steven_? Seriously? Then she left. She just dropped by to say that? She could have just texted or called or something. Tony knew he didn’t have any right to feel that way since he didn’t even tell Steve he loved him but he couldn’t help it.

Tony tried to hide his jealousy as he put the dishes away. He felt Steve’s eyes watching him but he just acted like he didn’t notice it.

“So, you and Sharon are together again?” Tony tried to sound like he asked this as a best friend, a friend who would be happy if Steve dated someone.

“No. Why?” Steve smirked.

“Just asking. I mean, I would be happy if you two-”           

“Tony, stop babbling.”

Tony stopped talking, he was really bullshitting.

“It would not be likely now, is it? Considering what I told you?” Tony choked for the second time this morning. Why was Steve this smooth these days?

“Do you want more coffee?” He tried to change the subject.

“How long do you think you can avoid this?”

Tony coughed.

“Avoid what?”

Steve stood up, slowly approaching Tony. Tony was wondering how long he could avoid his eyes.  He unintentionally stepped back as Steve got closer.

“So…I actually need to work on my prototype.” Tony tried to get out of the small area Steve left for him. “You know, probably somebody will try to destroy New York soon enough.”

Steve didn’t move but stopped coming closer. “What are you so afraid of?” He asked.

“What has gotten into you, Cap? I am not afraid of anything.” He said, unsure.

“Yeah, I know you, Tony. You could escape now but you can’t avoid me forever.” He said, stepping aside.

Tony stayed still for a minute, not knowing what to do.

Then he just left, with a little smile on his lips.

 

 


	12. Caught On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony just swears a lot.

“Steve!” Tony screamed as he rose from his bed, eyes wide open. He breathed fast, his eyes trying to adjust to the dark. His heart was beating very fast and for a moment, he thought he was still in the nightmare. He tried to catch his breath, failing. The door was opened and someone rushed towards Tony. He knew him by the smell.

“S-steve?” Tony managed to say.

“It’s okay.” Steve said, wrapping his arms around him. “It’s okay.” He repeated, tightening his grip.

Tony was shaking badly, he hated this, not Steve’s arms, obviously, but since Civil War, he had been seeing these nightmares where his friends die and Tony would try to help, try to save them but he never could. The worst ones were the ones that Steve died. He never experienced it so vivid, Red Skull ripping him in two, Steve screaming Tony’s name and that look, that look of disappointment- Tony just couldn’t bare it. He was Iron Man. Hell, he even had an iron heart until Steve came into his life. Now he was shaking in arms like a little scared child.

“Tony, it is okay.” Steve whispered and only then Tony realized he was not just shaking but he was crying. He didn’t notice it but he was, and he couldn’t stop. He tried to, because now Steve looked really worried and sad. Tony didn’t want him to be like that.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.” Tony said between tears, slowly calming down.

“Are you joking?” Steve looked at him unbelievingly. “When will you understand that I will be there for you any time?” He said soothingly.

Tony wanted to tell him he never would, because nobody ever was there for him.

He didn’t. Instead, he pictured Steve ripped into pieces in his mind. Because of Tony. Again.

He didn’t reply, he just sat there, staring blankly to Steve.

“Tony?” Steve said.

“I can’t do it anymore, Steve. I am just too tired.” Tony confessed, looking down. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want others to get hurt.” Tony continued, trying not to break down again. “I can’t lose you.” He said, looking into Steve’s eyes. “All of you.” He added. Because, well, he was a coward.

“You won’t.” Steve assured. “You are being too hard on yourself, Tony.”

“You think? Because I got Bill Foster killed. He was my friend. I fought _against_ you, Steve, against everything you ever stood for. How can you still trust me?” Tony asked, his voice cracking and full of regret.

“Because I know you, Tony.” Steve looked at him with compassion. “And I love you.”

“Steve-”

“I will not let you deny it anymore.” Steve said sharply. “You may not accept it but you have to know it.” Oh, Rogers, you have no idea. “If you want me to stay away from you-”

“Don’t say that. I would never want that.” Tony felt afraid even thinking about that.

“Then tell me what you want me to.”

“I – I don’t know.” Tony said. “I want you to be here.”

“As your friend?” Steve asked the question Tony was most afraid of.

Tony couldn’t say he wanted that. He took a deep breath before replying. “I don’t know.” He lied. He knew it. He knew he wanted to be with Steve but he didn’t trust himself enough.

“Want me to help you figure it out?” Steve said, smirking.

“Wha-” Before Tony could even understand what was happening; Steve was inches away from him. Their lips were almost touching, Steve hesitated. It was obvious that he didn’t want to force Tony. Tony couldn’t tell him to stop because he didn’t want him to. He didn’t say anything as Steve’s lips got closer to his; he wanted to kiss him even though he knew he shouldn’t.

When Tony didn’t object to Steve, Steve finally brushed his lips against Tony’s, a magical feeling, he must confess. As he deepened the kiss, Tony realized he was fucked. He should really not do this but his arms apparently don’t agree with him, wrapping themselves to Steve’s neck and Tony kisses him back. Tony feels Steve’s lips slightly forming a smile without breaking the kiss, satisfied with Tony’s surrender.

Tony honestly didn’t know how long they did the thing but he didn’t want to stop. It was nothing like the other kisses he had. It was not rushed, it was gentle and Tony realized he never had a real kiss before; they were all before-sex kind of kisses, all naked and gross and rushed. Steve was taking it slow, he didn’t want to just do it and get done with it. He _really_ kissed him. Tony almost hanged onto him when Steve finally pulled back.

“Fuck.” Tony said, his cheeks flushed and lips red. “Wait, did I just say that out loud?” He cursed again. He was so fucking fucked.

Steve looked at him with satisfaction. That fucker.

“Well. Um.” Talk about awkward. He wanted to be angry with Steve that he kissed him but he couldn’t. One, he never was able to be angry with him and two, that kiss was fucking awesome, not that he would ever confess that to Steve.

“This was unexpected.” Tony managed to say. What he did mean was this was super, perfect and all that jazz.

“Just that?” Steve asked nodding towards Tony’s crotch. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Tony tried to cover it but obviously he was too late for that. “Geez, Steve.” Tony said, almost blushing. He gave it all away, didn’t he? Having a boner with a kiss? Well, it was a heated one but Tony would not be that easy usually. But, well, it was Steve.

“Can I take a shower now?” Tony asked to avoid the awkwardness of the situation. Steve nodded, still watching him carefully. Tony was still cursing under his breath.

Steve stayed in the bed while Tony headed for the shower; he closed the door and sighed. “I’m so fucked.” He said to himself. “So, so fucked.”

After the shower, a very good one, he must add and it was most certainly not because he thought about Steve while-whatever. He wrapped the towel around his waist, stepping out of the cabin.

He liked to take long showers so he didn’t expect to find Steve on his bed sleeping after one hour. He shook his head as he didn’t think about how peaceful and perfect Steve looked when he was asleep.

He sat on the edge, hesitated to lie beside him. His bed was big enough for like 5 people but Tony was somehow sure he would end up wrapped in Steve’s arms by morning. He cursed again and dragged himself to Steve’s room, falling asleep as soon as he was surrounded by the irresistible and dazzling smell of Steve fucking Rogers.

***

Steve frowned when he wake up to see that he was alone in Tony’s bed. Where was he? Well, he was Tony so he didn’t exactly expect him to sleep with Steve in the same bed; Tony was just so damn stubborn. He stood up and headed for his room. He smiled when he saw Tony sleeping in his bed, looking really comfortable. He was lying sideways and his head was not on the pillow.

Steve walked to the bed, sat on it and watched Tony. He did that a lot.

“Agent Carter is on the line, Captain Rogers.” Jarvis said as Tony jumped from the bed, suddenly inches away from Steve. Steve smirked. Tony pulled back quickly.

“Jarvis- how many times did I tell you not to talk when I sleep?” Tony rubbed his eyes, yawning.

“Agent Carter says it is important, Mr. Stark.” Of course, Jarvis possibly couldn’t sound apologetic so Steve just assumed he imagined it.

“Carter? Like Steve-i-want-to-go-to-the-movies important?” Tony rolled his eyes.

Steve grinned. “Jealous?” he teased.

“Oh, please. I don’t do jealous.” Tony said, he wasn’t convincing.

“She says it is about Thor.” Steve watched Tony as his face dropped. He still felt guilty about Thor, Steve knew.

“I didn’t tell you earlier because you were all messed up.” Steve explained. “Thor is alive.”

“No.” Tony said unbelievingly. “It’s impossible.”

“You of all people should know that there is no such thing as impossible.” Steve smiled, well expect you saying you love me, he added internally.

Sheldon stormed inside as Steve was trying to explain the details.

“We’re getting signals from Thor. He is here.”

\------------------

After one hour, they were in Midtown Manhattan, fighting some guy named Whirlwind, when they were supposed to find Thor. Whirlwind was that kind of villain who didn’t have any real motive, he just wanted to prove his superiority. Tony had respect for some villains, he really did but Whirlwind was just so stupid.

“Just give it up, dude.” Tony said as he sent blasts towards him but he was just too damn fast so he just dodged them.

He even dodged Steve’s shield. Tony had a feeling that they would be stuck with this retard for the rest of the day.

Then the sound he did not hear in a long time came. A thunder followed by the landing of a man.

“Thor.” He said in amazement.

“My friends.” Thor said briefly. Well, he was a god.

“You shall not trouble my friends!” Thor exclaimed as he swung the Mjolnir and threw it towards Whirlwind.

Whirlwind was unprepared for this sudden attack so he was struck by Thor’s lightning, falling to the ground unconscious.

“Missed the feeling of having a Norse god by our side.” Tony said.

“I missed you too, Iron Man.” Thor hugged him; Tony could almost feel his ribs cracking. Then he did the same to Steve. God, Tony really missed Thor.

“What happened?” Tony asked.

“I do not wish to talk about this matter. I am back on Midgard now.” Thor said.

“Whatever you say, we are glad to have you back.”

Then they went to the Mansion, all the Avengers were informed on Thor’s return so they were in in the meeting room to give him a warm welcome. Tony felt happy. He really did. He was happy that Thor was back and all of his friends were here, all laughing and looking like they were a family. And they were, Tony knew. They were one big family. He sighed and turned back to go the kitchen, finding himself face to face with Steve fucking Rogers. Not to mention his hands touching his arms. Fuck.

“Careful.” Steve said, lowering his hands. He had a knowing look in his eyes. Tony debated whether or not he should kiss him. Probably not, he decided.

“Right.” Tony said, trying not to make eye contact. He walked to the kitchen. Steve followed him.

“Still avoiding me?”

“What? No. I am not.” Tony lied, attempting to sound cool, terribly failing. “I’m really glad Thor is back.” Tony added to avoid the subject.

“Me too. It was about time. Now we are complete.” Steve smiled.

“Yes, yes we are.” Tony said as he poured water for himself.

“Are you?” Steve asked.

“Am I what?”

“Complete.”

Tony didn’t know how to answer that so he just stared at Steve, not being able to form a simple fucking sentence. He wasn’t obviously. He loved Steve and didn’t have the guts to say it. Even though Steve already said it.

“I- I don’t know.”

“I hope you remember what happened the last time you said that.” Steve said coming dangerously near him. He did remember. Steve kissed him when he last said he didn’t know.

“Steve…” Tony tried to object, again, failing at that. Steve’s lips were so close yet he didn’t kiss him. Why wasn’t he? Tony could kiss him any minute if he didn’t hold himself back.

“No.” Steve said, still close. “No kissing till you confess your undying love to me.”

Tony choked on his water, coughing. “Un-undying love?”

“I was just joking, Tony.” Tony took a deep breath. “No kissing till you stop denying my and _your_ feelings.”

“Wasn’t a fan of it anyway.” Tony lied, shrugging.

“Oh, really?” Steve said, daring.

Tony shrugged again. He fucking hated his life. He fucking loved Steve.

“Do I have to say it?” Tony asked. He was sure he was going to regret this. He was sure of it. But he just couldn’t keep this going.

Steve looked at him with surprise.

“Only if you mean it.” Steve said.

Tony considered this, he really did. After the dream he had, he didn’t want to lose Steve without him knowing it. Well, he never wanted lose him but whatever. This would be the first time since he said these words, really meaning it.

“You know I do.” Tony said, still not being able to from a proper sentence to confess it.

Tony was a fucked up, egotist asshole. Steve was the most perfect human being on earth. They loved each other. Tony honestly had no idea how that happened or where that would lead them, but he was tired of avoiding and hurting him when his only purpose was to keep Steve form getting hurt.

“I fucking love you. I love you for fucking years.” Tony confessed. Fuck, he thought. Fuck.


	13. A Morning Surprise

They both stood there after Tony said the words.

Tony couldn’t believe he did that. He fucking said it. He watched Steve’s face, he looked afraid to say anything.

“I can’t believe you made me do this.” Tony said, regretting his decision since Steve didn’t say anything. I’m just gonna go now. Just, give me some time, ok? Don’t follow me.” Tony said, not looking at him, just wandering around the room like crazy.

Steve just nodded. “Okay.”

Tony stormed out of the room, he actually felt really relieved that he confessed it, finally. But he wasn’t sure what would happen after. They loved each other and now what? The answer was pretty simple, Tony knew but he was never in a serious relationship. He never cared that deeply about anyone before and he was so fucking afraid that he would ruin this thing they had. He still though about his parents and how he used to disappoint them. He knew it was not his fault but still, he couldn’t let his past go. He was excluded by his family so he didn’t even get the chance to make friends or form relationships. So even after their parents were gone, he was still left with the lack of confidence and the seemingly big ego people associated him with. He never trusted people or let them trust him. He tried not to care for people or let them care for him. But somehow, Steve ended up caring for him, he loved Tony. How the hell did that happen?

Tony went to his room, jumping on his bed and immediately regretting it. Since Steve fucking slept here last night, it smelled of him and Tony was not sure he could bear it. He felt happy but he also felt upset. He just lied on his bed, his eyes locked on the ceiling. He honestly didn’t know how long he stayed like that but it was dark when his door was knocked. Please not Steve, please not Steve, please-

“Tony, open the door.” That was not Steve.

Tony walked to the door, unlocking it and opening it slowly. “Hi, goldilocks.” He said.

“Greetings. How are you?”

“How _am_ I? We’ve been friends for decades and that’s the first time you are asking me that, Thor.”

“You look troubled.” Thor said, actually sounding worried.

“I am troubled. I-” Tony reminded himself that Thor didn’t know about him and Steve.

“Is that about our fellow Captain America?” Thor smirked. Thor actually smirked.

“Come on, give me a break. How the hell do you know?” Tony didn’t even care anymore. Thor was one of his oldest friends and he was glad he didn’t have to tell him himself.

“He is in the same state as you, Tony.” Thor said understandingly. Thor changed a little, huh?

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Tony said.

“You do not need to talk to me of it, but you need to talk with him.”

“When did you get all thoughtful?” Tony asked.

Thor just grinned.

***

A party.

Everyone flirting with Tony.

Steve hated parties. Steve hated the way Tony touched people when talking to them or laughing with them. He specifically hated people who touched him back.

Tony was avoiding him for a week, again. Steve understood that he needed space after what he had said but he just really wanted to talk to him. Not that Tony didn’t talk to him, but they were never alone. Tony always got away when there was nobody else but Steve in the room. Steve made his mission to catch him alone tonight. If only that Carl dude got his hands off him. He hated Carl. He wanted to rip his hands off and make him eat them. Okay, he was a jealous guy. But he felt like now that they confessed it to each other, he had the right to be jealous. Not that it stopped him before.

He saw Carl asking Tony if he wanted something to drink and went to get them. Steve took the opportunity to go talk to Tony.

“Hey.” Tony said as he saw him approaching. “How do you like the party?” It was obvious that he was trying hard to not to bring up the subject.

“I don’t. I want to talk to you.” Steve stated, serious but calm.

“I-”

“Hey, Tony, got the drinks- oh, hi Cap.” Steve wanted to punch Carl in the face. “Good night, eh? We were just talking about how I plan to add my newest prototype to Tony’s-”

“Can we have a moment?” Steve interrupted him. Carl looked disappointed that he couldn’t explain himself and Steve liked it. Carl nodded.

Tony followed Steve without protesting, Steve thought maybe he was ready to talk. They went into a room where they could be alone.

“Steve look, let me talk first.” Tony said worriedly. Steve had no idea what he was worried about. “I know I suck, I said that thing and now I’m avoiding you, throwing parties and all, I know I really really suck. I don’t deserve a guy like you, I know I don’t- I have no idea why you like-love me, or if you still do. Look, I’ve never loved before- not like this and it terrifies me. It scares the shit out of me. I have no idea what to do and I’m afraid I will ruin everything if I-I talk to you. I didn’t even know I could deeply care about someone until you came into my life and I was like, wow, this guy became my best friend and then I suddenly realized you weren’t just a friend and I was one hundred percent absolutely sure that you didn’t feel the same way about me, because you were prefect and it was impossible. Then you told me that you loved me and I swear I wanted to tell you back, I did. But it didn’t come out. Every time I told someone that I loved them, they just ignored me and kept pushing me away, my parents never said it back, they never told me they loved me and here you were with your whole confidence, telling me you loved me. I had no idea what to say, and I couldn’t say that I loved you, not when I was sure I would hurt you eventually because I hurt everyone around me. Hell, I’m still afraid of you getting hurt because of me or getting hurt at all but I finally said it and I am relieved that I did. But I don’t know what to do, I don’t. What do I do?” Tony was out of breath because he just said all of this without stopping for air and walking up and down in the room, looking adorable, Steve thought.

“I love you so much.” Steve said without thinking. He just wanted Tony to be happy.

Tony looked at him with surprise because of his sudden statement.

“I-I love you too. More than I could imagine. And believe me when I say this because I am a genius industrialist who can imagine _a lot_.”

Steve thought Tony looked adorable when he babbled. He smiled warmly. “Can I kiss you know?”

“Please do.”

Steve did.

***

“So, what do we do now?” Tony asked, reluctant. They were in the tower; Steve was making breakfast for Tony and the other Avengers. They were not awake yet.

“I don’t know, should we go on a date?” Steve asked flirtingly. This guy.

“What are we? 16 year olds?” Tony laughed.

“Should feel young again every once in a while.” Steve said as he cracked another egg.

“Okay, if you want to, we will go on a date.” Tony said. This was better than he imagined. It was not weird at all-since they were besties for decades- and it felt real. Tony was really happy for the first time in his life. He really hoped that would last.

“Should Jarvis wake the others?” Tony asked when he saw Steve was done with the breakfast.

“Okay.” Steve replied.

“Oh, wait. Do we- do we tell them?” Tony asked, hesitating. He didn’t want to ask the wrong questions.

“Do you want to?” Steve raised his eyebrows, Tony felt like this was a test or something. He thought about it, and he realized he did want to tell his friends about this.

“Yes. Do you?” Steve smiled warmly.

“Of course.”

“Jarvis, Wake the Avengers up.” Tony said.

Thirty minutes later, all of them were in the kitchen, bathed and dressed. Natasha was throwing little paper pieces to Clint and he was- of course- catching them before they hit him, Janet and Hank were arguing- as always- over a pancake which Janet claimed to be over-cooked, but Hank said it was better this way. Logan was just sitting and staring to the food with murderously hungry eyes but Tony guessed he was too polite-heh- to reach for them yet. Wanda and Simon were sitting on a couch very closely- it was a big couch but whatever, Tony still felt bad for the Vision.

“What’s the deal, Cap? You never cook for us except Tony.” Clint said, smirking. Tony almost coughed.

“Wha-what do you mean? I always cook.” Steve cleared his throat and turned around to cook some more pancakes.

“Oh, really? So it wasn’t you that time when I asked for an omelet and got an answer like ‘Do I look like your housekeeper?’ and not the mention the yummy breakfast you made for Tony an hour after you said that to me.” Clint was obviously very pleased with himself because of that observation. Tony rolled his eyes at him and gave him a look that said ‘shut the fuck up’. Clint shrugged and continued eating the bacons.

Steve looked like he was very annoyed with Clint, but Tony knew that would pass in no time. It was like this with Steve, he could never get angry at anyone more than a couple of minutes.

“Actually you are right.” Steve said with a determination in his voice. “I do always cook for him.” Clint stared at him with a questioning look, not seeing where he was going with this. “That’s because…” Steve stopped, looking at the rest of the Avengers, now everybody giving their complete attention.

“Because… um… I- we…um..” Steve was never good at confessions. Except that one time, Tony thought.

“Fuck it,” Tony said and gave him a little kiss on the lips, Steve obviously didn’t except that but he looked pleased with Tony’s decision. Tony would _really_ like to deepen the kiss but he probably shouldn’t so he pulled back.

Tony turned around to see others’ reaction. He was a bit afraid, if he must admit.

Clint yawned and shrugged as he threw bacon into his mouth. Tony actually heard him say _“finally”._ Natasha _looked a bit_ surprise, but just a little and she also continued eating her breakfast after giving Tony an affirmative smile.

“I’m so happy for you guys, I always knew you would finally realize you loved each other.” Wanda said, walking towards them with Simon. He was smiling widely. Wait, did everyone know or something?

After Janet told them never to marry and Hank snapped at her for preventing a good relationship because she couldn’t be in one, they finished their breakfast and everyone was back on their thing.

It was a good day in New York, there were no chaos and no villains.

Tony soon regretted he actually thought this was possible.

The Tower’s window shattered into millions of pieces as Tony tried to activate all the Marks to protect his unprepared friends. Tower was a very safe place and it was not many times that it was easily compromised like this.

Tony told Jarvis to activate his latest prototype and wore the armor.

“Jarvis, who is this?” Tony asked when others got up and stood ready to fight. Tony looked at Steve who looked very worried.

“My technology cannot match the signals coming from the cause of the explosion, Mr. Stark.”

“Don’t be silly, you are the most intelligent technological intel-” Tony stopped when the thought occurred to him. He cursed loudly. He looked at his friends who also understood who was coming.

“Hello, Stark.” He heard his voice then saw his body floating in the room.

Tony then knew they were fucked. Again.

“Kang the Conqueror.”


	14. As Bad As the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which...well, things happen.

Fucking great. Just when Tony thought they were done, just when everything was fine, when finally they were okay with Steve and the world was safe, he had to come and ruin it. Kang the Conqueror. One of the greatest foes of the Avengers, their sworn enemy. How corny that sounded, with all of its truth. Tony honestly didn’t know when was the last time that Kang decided to unleash his anger on them but this time he was very furious. The man has no other thing to do, Tony thought, to come all the way to the 21th century from who knows what hundredth century.

“Kang, I think we agreed that you would not come again when I froze your future- ass in time and almost ripped apart your whole existence? Like, you have this nice kingdom out there and you just had to risk it again, right?” Tony said with his usual arrogance. This man never learned. Well, Tony was a bit scared but obviously he would not show that to him. If anyone was more egotistic than Tony, that was Kang. Well, maybe also Doom. Or all villains.  Whatever.

“Insects are no threat to me, Stark. You of all people should know that. If you managed to beat me once, that was because I let you.”

_Yeah, sure. All villains have that complex._

“But,” Kang hissed. “Somehow you _primitives_ managed to ruin my timeline. And _you,_ Stark are the reason for the destruction of my kingdom.”

“I thought I was just an insect. You are giving me mixed signals.” Tony raised his hands up in the air as if he was offended.

“You create these artificial intelligences and they cause my decimation. That’s why I came just before you create the Mark XLII which will be used to end my kingdom. You shall be destroyed.” Kang was doing something now, like gathering the energy forces around him to neutralize the energy Tony’s suit was holding. That was never good.

“Kang, I would never destroy a kingdom.” Tony stated, knowing that would do no good. He wouldn’t, either goods or bads, he wouldn’t create an armor to go kill people.

“You don’t. You’ll be compromised. Still, you are the one who built it so I must eliminate you. I truly am sorry, Stark. It was a pleasure being your enemy for all those years.” Kang grinned behind his purplish mask. Seriously, did this man always wear the same creepy green thing on him?

Tony suddenly felt himself rising, and he was having hard time breathing.

“Tony?” Steve asked worriedly, ready to make a move, but not wanting to make the wrong one.

Tony heard his armor cracking; it was as if Kang was squashing his armor with the energy field he created around him. “Ok-okay…J-jarvis can you s-stop this?” Tony was all out of breath now, his vision was blurry and Jarvis wasn’t talking.

“Okay that’s enough.” Steve said as he threw his shield towards Kang, who was unprepared because he was focusing on Tony and how to strangle him in his suit. The energy field broke as Kang lost control and before he gained it back again, they started attacking him.

“Come on Jarvis, you’ve been through much worse.” Tony said, trying to get a signal from his armor.

“That is right, sir.” Jarvis responded. Tony let out a sigh of relief as he watched others fighting Kang.

“How long till you charge up?”

“Approximately 6 minutes, sir.” That was too long. What other options did he have?

“6? Make it faster.”

“Impossible. Kang the Conqueror’s technology is hard to understand, sir.” Tony cursed under his breath and told Jarvis to get one of his other suits. He would be out of his armor for one second and even that was too risky. His Mark V came along.

“Change.” He said as he felt his armor unraveling around him and to his fucking luck, Kang saw that.

Just one second, just one.  Kang grinned and send up a weird blue lightning-like thing towards his direction.

“No!” Steve shouted as he jumped in front of Tony, with his shield, but the force was so strong that Steve was pushed back and fell very badly. There were ruins all over him now. Tony rushed over to him as soon as he saw Avengers taking care of Kang and distracting him.

“Steve, Steve, Steve…” Tony mumbled as he kneeled beside him, removing the ruins near him. His eyes were closed and he was injured. Tony tried to calm down and hold back tears as he shook Steve to wake him up. Tony knew this was nothing serious; he was a fucking super soldier.

“Steve, baby, come on. Open your eyes.” Tony wondered if it was their destiny, to keep saving each other from harm’s way, or if one of them would get killed doing it eventually.

“Tony?” Steve coughed some blood, but he was alive. Tony sighed with relief, wiping his tears. He kissed him.

“Never do that again.” He knew to say this was absurd since Tony would do the same thing.

Tony turned back to the action scene, placing himself between the scene and Steve.

“Enough.”

***

Steve stared at Tony who was standing between him and Kang. He walked up to him; he would never let Tony get hurt trying to protect him ever again.

“Enough.” Tony said with determination.

Kang stopped fighting and looked at Tony with satisfaction, like he knew what he was going to do. Steve didn’t like that a bit.

“You want me, _fine_. Just stop hurting them.” Tony said as he watched others being strangled by the force fields Kang created.

“Tony, what are you-” Steve objected but saw Tony making a thumbs up behind his back. He had a plan?

“Cap, this is my fault. I ruin the guy’s timeline. You don’t have to pay for it.” Tony said, sounding honest as he walked to Kang.

“Iron Man walking away from a fight?” Kang said, mocking him. “That is unusual.”

“Well, a first for everything.” Tony smiled towards Steve. How could he be so calm right now? Steve was scared for him, what Kang could do to him. So he walked with Tony as they approached Kang.

“But, wait.” Tony said. “You are missing a point here. You of all people should be aware of the possible consequences of disturbing the space time continuum. How do you know, for sure, that killing me will ensure your future and won’t make it worse?”

“You create the intelligence, Stark.”

“Hank Pym created the Ultron. When Wolverine went back in time to kill him and stop him from creating it, it made the world worse than it already was. I saved your people for how many times Kang? How _many_ more times will I save it? If you kill me, or any other Avenger here, how can your kingdom exist? If I didn’t rescue your kingdom from others, will there even be a kingdom for me to harm? You know the rules, Kang. If you don’t believe me, go into the future and look for it. We will be expecting you.”

Kang just stood there perplexed and it was not a usual thing to see, Steve must say. Yet he admitted to himself that Kang was never really that smart. Tony was right and Kang knew it and even Steve could see he was trying to overcome his ego and listen to Tony. And Kang had a lot of ego. But not enough to risk his future.

“I will…I will be back.” Kang said, hesitating. “For me it could take days but…for you it’ll be two seconds maximum. Do not perish.” He said.

“You know you could find us anyways.” Tony nodded.

Then with a blink, Kang was gone.

“Tony, how does that help us? He will be coming now.” Clint said as he looked like he was waiting for him to pop up.

“No he won’t. I know him too well. We are very alike. Well, expect the villainy stuff and all. Kang would never risk his timeline ceasing to existence. And I meant when I said it, killing me or any of you would do that. Kang is smart but he gets excited too easily, he probably didn’t think about it for a long time. And as you see, he isn’t back so chop chop to your rooms or wherever you want to go.” Tony grinned to his teammates. They all sighed, like they always do when Tony tries to explain something they don’t understand but they trusted him anyway. 

“You and I have to have a talk.” Tony said to Steve, frowning.

“Okay.” Steve looked at him with questioning eyes, still feeling a bit dizzy from the blast Kang gave him.

Tony waited till the others left the room.

“You can’t just jump in front of me whenever I’m in danger. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Tony stared at him with compassion.

“Says the man who almost got killed trying to protect me, and _without_ wearing his armor.”

“That was different okay?”

“How is that any different?”

“I-uh-I don’t know. I just… don’t want to lose you.” Tony looked at his hands, feeling like a fucking scared child.

“Tony…” Steve stared at Tony lovingly. “I can’t promise you that you won’t lose me, not with our job. But I can promise you that you will never lose me as long as I live.” Tony’s eyes sparkled, still worried but less scared now.

***

“What is the matter Hawkeye? You almost seem upset that Kang didn’t turn back.” Tony said in an amused voice, while sipping from his milkshake. Yes, genius billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark liked milkshake. Like _a lot_. And he constantly craved it after this villainy fighty stuff. So Steve went and bought a milkshake for him, and now they were on the meeting room of the Stark Tower.

“I’m just not used to easy fights like this. Kang just left, am I the only one who feels weird about this?” Clint said.

“After all we’ve been through as a team, I think we deserve some easy ones, don’t you think?” Tony said. Clint shrugged. “Look, Clint, I know it is hard to believe but Kang is not as smart as you think. Or he thinks. His ego is something that leads him to his downfall. “Tony assured him _. I’d know_ , he thought.

“Well, you are the genius.” Clint shrugged, turning back to the screen.

“I’m gonna head to my room, wanna come?” I looked at Steve, almost inviting. He smirked, and nodded.

“Eww, guys, come on. Get a room.” Clint teased.

“We are.” Steve stated, leading Tony to his room.

“Your room?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I’d like to fuck you into my own bed, if that’s okay.” Steve said. Smooth. Fucker.

“That’s more than okay. “ The thought sent shivers down his spine.

“Well, then.” Steve said, placing his hands on Tony’s hips and holding him up, combining their bodies. Oh, now that feels _good_ , Tony thought. Tony was trying so hard not to moan as Steve pressed him against the wall and kissed him, almost possessively. Steve bit his lower lip and this time Tony couldn’t hold back his moan and cursed himself for it as he felt Steve smirking lightly while still kissing him. Tony Stark was not a man who would have a fucking _erection_ after five minutes of foreplay. He never was. He _made_ women and men like this, and here was Steve making Tony just want to be- Oh. Now we’re talking, he thought as he felt Steve’s erection against his stomach. He pressed his legs tighter around him as if it was even possible and it was Steve’s time to moan, he raised Tony and carried him to the bed, putting him down almost harshly.

Steve started to unbutton his shirt with quick moves but Tony stopped him. “Let me.” He said, unbuttoning them slowly so that he could watch Steve’s need growing. He liked that. He then unzipped his pants, still slow.

“Fuck this.” Steve said as he removed Tony’s shirt with one move and his pants with another. He then kicked his own pants off his feet. He continued to kiss Tony intensely while Tony could still feel his erection.  Steve started rubbing his hands over Tony’s inner thighs in circles, which made Tony even crazier.

“Jesus.” Tony whispered as Steve began probing his finger in his ass. “Steve…” he gasped in between breaths. Steve did it faster and Tony was all out of control now. Then he slid the second finger which made Tony let out a small groan.

“You like this?” Steve said more like a statement than a question and fastened his fingers. He looked satisfied.

“Lube?” Tony said.

“Lube.” Steve nodded and reached for the drawer, not letting Tony get away from his embrace.

***

“Well, that was _something_.” Steve said, taking a deep breath as his head fell on the pillow next to Tony.

“I had better ones.” Tony said, amused. “You know, being the playboy I am.”

“Oh, really?” Steve smirked. “It really didn’t seem so when you begged me to fuck you.”

Tony coughed. “Yeah, whatever.” He crossed his arms.

Steve laughed and kissed him, this time more gently and slow.

“You are so adorable.” Steve said.

“Adorable? What kind of a man are you Rogers? I mean, you just fucked me.”

“Well, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you and that you are adorable.”

Tony tried to hide his smile to his words. Steve was just too damn perfect. Too perfect for him, Tony thought. He had tried to overcome his self-esteem to be with Steve and he thought he was doing it but it was in these times where Tony would realize he would never really be good for Steve. He believed Steve loved him, he really did. It was just that the thought of being left alone scared him to death. If he were to lose him, he didn’t know what would happen. Or if Tony would hurt him in some way, and he knew he’d at some point in their relationship, he would be devastated.

Tony really didn’t want to ruin the moment when Steve’s arms were wrapped around his neck; it felt really warm and cozy so he just decided to ignore the bad feeling. Well, he could at least enjoy the happy memories with him.

“Wouldn’t like to ruin your evening, Avengers.” An awfully familiar amused voice said.

Steve jumped out of bed immediately as Kang raised his hand, the magnetic field stopping Steve from moving.

“Kang, stop this.” Tony tried to be calm and ignore the fact that they were caught completely unarmed and unprepared.

“You told me to go look for the future. I did, Stark and you were right.” Tony was looking at Steve who was looking back protectively.

“And I realized I made a mistake by trying to kill you.” Tony wondered what this was coming to.  “I am _the_ future, Stark and in the future, you are the one who builds the things that are able to destroy seven hundred empires.” Kang stated, expecting Tony to give a reaction.

“Let go of him, Kang.” Tony said warningly.

“I will. He will walk free, do not worry. But you, Stark, you will come with me and help me build my empire.”

“No.” Steve hissed as he tried to escape the limbo.

“I do not care of your wishes, Captain.” Kang said. “Neither of yours.” He turned back to Tony, who was trying to reach Jarvis via Extremis which he hardly used since the Civil War.

“It will not work, Stark. You come with me. Into the future.” Kang disappeared and for a minute Tony thought something good have happened. Well, until he found himself in another room, which there was no Steve. And when he looked out of the windows, he also saw that there was no New York, just the remains of it.


	15. reality is merely an illusion

“Um.” Tony coughed. He was here, who knows what billions of years later somewhere in New York or whatever they call it now, with no protection whatsoever. With Kang the fucking Conqueror. He shouldn’t have been this distracted. He should have been careful, he was always careful. But he was hardly to blame when Steve was around. He sighed.

“What do you want, Stark?” Kang asked, not bothering to move a finger while still sitting on his throne- it really looked like the Iron Throne and Tony suspected for a few minutes this was all actually a game his mind was playing- and they were in a abandoned palace-like place. Actually, it didn’t look like people existed any longer. Tony felt a uneasy feeling in his chest because of that. Steve was actually dead now. Well, not really but still it bothered Tony that he did not _exist_ in this future. He hated the future. He hated Kang.

“Um.” He said again. “To go back to the Mansion?” he tried. Kang looked unimpressed. “Look I appreciate that you think me as a genius, which I totally am by the way, but what exactly do you expect me to do here, which I’m totally not going to do, by the way.” He added cockily, which was probably not the best thing to do with a villain like Kang. But whatever.

Kang didn’t answer. Of fucking course.

“Look, there are no _people_ here. Who are you going to rule?” Tony talked softly like he was trying to reason with a three year old who had no concept of comprehending things.

Kang laughed hysterically. “ _People_? I’m not planning on ruling you weaklings.”

Tony raised an eyebrow.

Kang actually rolled his eyes. “I have,” he sighed. “A council of Kangs.”

“Well, shit. What? How? _Why?”_

“Maybe you are not as smart as I think you are, Stark.” Kang mocked him. Tony ignored it. “I am the only being in the universe that can time-travel this often, whenever I want, precisely. So, in almost every time of the history of universe and all things, a Kang is present. There is not just me, Kang the Conqueror you know, there are many versions of me that have various kingdoms.  For example, Immortus. I believe you have met him before.

Tony’s eyes widened at the sudden realization. “Oh, I can see the resemblance.” He then grinned.

“And as for the why,” Kang ignored Tony’s comment. “I will combine all of the Kangs and their kingdoms and we will become one kingdom. A big one for my eternal monarchy.  You and I, Stark, will build my empire until they come.”

“Jesus, _Louis XIV_ , calm down.” Kang frowned. Of course. _Do not make references to estranged aliens and men from future_ , Tony made a mental note. “How do you think you’ll make me work for you? Because, I will never.”

“You will eventually, Stark. This place is empty and deserted. It has no people in it, no people at all in the future. You don’t have the Captain to accompany you too,” Kang smirked. Really? Tony resisted the urge to flinch at the comment.

“So?”

“I know you. You are in constant need of building things, fixing things. Have you spent a day without doing these? I do not think so. You will never be able to just _sit_ , will you, Stark? Doing nothing but to think of your days with your good friends who will forget you as they have forgotten all of their friends who have died in battle. You are no different. There will come a day when you cannot stop the voices in your head that tell you to give up your hopes of returning home and you want to do something, to create something will overcome your so called heroism _, Iron Man.”_ Tony knew that he was right, Kang knew him because they were alike somehow and he hated that. He hated that he was right but he had to try. He could never give in, never give up. He would normally, but now he had Steve. He would never betray his trust and he would never stop believing that he would come for him, someday.

“Oh, well you’re wrong.”

“We’ll see.”

                                                                              ***

6 MONTHS LATER

_Need._

_The armor._

_Build. Fix. Create._

_Gotta go back._

_Steve_

_Steve._

It’s been six months. Six. Fucking. Months. Without doing anything, accomplishing nothing. Tony needed to do something, to create something just like Kang said when they first got here. And Steve. Oh, how he missed him. Even when they were at war, he didn’t spend more than two months without seeing him and now it was like Steve was just a memory. Maybe they didn’t even get together, maybe they weren’t in bed when Kang first came to get Tony, maybe Tony made it all up in order to _survive_ in this fucking future. Maybe they were still at Civil War, maybe Steve had fucking died- _God, god, god. Don’t think. Don’t think._

            He didn’t even see Steve in his dreams anymore; he couldn’t even if he really wanted to. Kang didn’t show up for the past two months, he was still convinced that Tony would come around. He wanted to do something, he really did but he would not dare. He could never do it, not when he still had a slight memory of Steve.

       He heard voices. _No. No. Not again._

The door fell in front of his feet as he saw the ones coming in. He embraced his knees as he covered his face to prevent seeing him.

“ _Tony.”_ No, this was far too real. This sounded so much like Steve. It was too much.

He felt the arms wrapping around him but still he hid his face.

“Tony, look at me, please. Please.” His voice was too desperate but Tony knew better. This was not Steve who’s holding him. This was exactly the 816th time that Kang sent an illusion and Tony couldn’t bear to see the face he loved so much but knowing it was not real.

“Tony! Please. Are you hurt? Are you hurt, Tony?” The voice was getting more worried as Tony didn’t reply.

Fake Steve embraced Tony. “Let me go, you sick fuck! LET ME GO!” Tony started yelling, punching the man and tears started falling down his cheeks. Kang was getting good at this. This illusion smelt and felt just like Steve and it hurt. “Get the fuck away!”

“Okay. Okay. Calm down.” He sounded really worried now, like he was _actually_ Steve.

 _“Thor, there is something wrong. You should come here.”_ Steve said into the transmitter.

“There was never Thor. Just Steve. Just _Steve_. Not Thor, too. Please.” Tony murmured as he crawled on the floor.

“Tony, I love you. I am real, okay? I am _Steve._ ” He started to walk towards Tony slowly.

“No, don’t!” Tony raised his hands up and looked at him with a horrified expression. He looked so much like him.

“We came here to save you. I’ve been trying for months. I need to touch you, Tony; I need to make sure you are okay. Will you let me?”

“No. Get. Away. From. Me. “Tony said as he watched Thor came in from the back of the building. He groaned. “Not you too.”

“What is wrong? Captain?”  Thor said.

Steve looked at Tony with an almost angry expression.

“I will kill Kang. I have never killed a villain but I’m going to. He’s dead; do you hear me, Tony? I will fucking kill him.”

And with that, Tony blacked out.

                                                          ***

“Is he okay? Bruce?” Tony heard his voice but couldn’t move limb or open his eyes. He felt like he was chained.

“I just said he was. Cap, stop asking it every two minutes. He will be waking up soon.”

Tony needed to get out of here. They couldn’t be real. They just couldn’t. Kang was just improving his game. Tony couldn’t let himself believe that they were real. He felt a hand holding his. _Steve._

Tony suddenly sit straight up, eyes wide open. He didn’t panic though, he could do nothing by panicking. Steve looked at him hopefully which made his insides turn.

“Say him I will never agree to it. Tell him to stop playing games with me; I will never work for him.”

“Tony-”

“You are not Steve. You can’t be.”

Steve frowned and kissed him. Tony was shocked, an illusion wouldn’t do that, right? Right?

He parted even though he wanted more, he missed this.

Steve kissed him on his forehead before Tony broke down and hugged Steve, crying uncontrollably.

“I missed you so much. So fucking much.” Tony said in between sobs.

“You have no idea.” Steve sighed, pressing Tony’s head to his chest.


End file.
